No….it’s a word we dread saying because it sounds so mean and it hurts so much. The power of that word can cut you to the core and for me…I don’t know about you…but for me…I always want to know why. Why are you saying no? I want to know why so that I can improve on what I need to improve on so that I can get a yes. If you go to a job interview and they have you come in for 3 interviews and then they call you and say no you don’t have the job……I always want to know why. Was it something I said, was it the way I looked, what was it that kept me from getting the job so that I can know what I need to do the next time to land the job. It can be on the flip side too if I ask someone to go with me to the mall and they say no….I want to know why. Is it because you are busy, is it because you really don’t have the money to go, is it because you have something else planned. I am a curious person and I would like to know why you said no. Most people say no is a complete sentence and you don’t have to explain yourself but some of us want to know the reason and if we don’t ask we assume in our head what the reason could be and that messes with us (at least it does with me) so I have to work on accepting no. I also have to work on saying no because I say yes to a lot of people because I feel bad and want to help everyone I can. I sometimes get overwhelmed and then realize I have way to much stuff on my plate and I end up crashing and burning all because I didn’t say no. I never have to explain my no because I rarely say it which is bad…….and so for 2017 I have to learn how to say no and not worry about the outcome. I also have to accept when others say no and not worry about the why. How do I stat this process?
Well I can start using phrases that aren’t as hard as the word no like..
Not right now – This is great but it may open up the door for them to come at you another time
I’d love to but I just don’t have the time – This one I am going to try because it’s honest…I don’t have the time
I don’t want to say no but I have to – I like this one but it still seems a bit harsh to me
I’m just not comfortable with that – this one is kinda iffy but it may work in some situations
Some people have the art of saying no down to a science. It doesn’t bother them at all when they say no. It bothers me though when people tell me no and for some rejection doesn’t even matter to them they keep on rolling to the next and then to the next until someone says yes. Rejection hurts but it’s nessassary and you have to put yourself in the shoes of others to really get why no should be a big part of your vocabulary. After a burnout last year and having to take a mental break over the holidays I had to make sure I came back with a renewed mind and a way for me to say no to others and accept a no when it came to me.
Start small – Make a list of what’s important to you and stick to that list if something comes your way where it doesn’t fit into your list…..don’t feel guilty about saying no. My goal is to be a six figure blogger by the end of 2018. If what you are asking me to do doesn’t fit into that and I don’t have any extra time to devote to something for you….then the answer will be no. Your real friends will understand and if someone doesn’t understand that you are busy building an empire then they aren’t meant to be in your life. If you say yes what are you going to lose in return? Time with your own family, time building your business, time away from your real friends, time away from charities and events you want to attend. Know the implications of saying yes before you do and make sure it’s something you truly truly want to do.
Don’t lie – We tell a lie when we really don’t want to do things. If someone asks you to come to their party…oh I can’t make it because my Aunt is coming into town…you know good and well your Aunt isn’t coming you just want to have your Saturday free or you want to attend something else. Don’t lie and say someone is coming or that you have something to do when you know you don’t really have anything to do because it may come back to bite you in the ass. People will say well how was that visit with your Aunt…..huh now you forgot your lie and you have to cover that first lie with another lie. If someone asks you to attend a birthday party don’t RSVP, if they ask you if you will attend simply say no not this time and leave it at that. Or you can tell them the truth and say…You know what this is my first Saturday free in a while and I just want to spend it on my couch eating bad food and watching things on my DVR. You don’t have to give an explanation but if you do…try to stick to the truth as much as possible.
Make yourself less assessable – I only give my cell phone number to people I like. If I don’t like you then trust me you won’t get my cell you will get my house phone or my google number. I don’t know you well enough to give you my cell. If I first meet you and I don’t know you….I will give you my google number or my house number. You can’t text me on my house number (people have tried that because they don’t think people have house phones anymore) but you can text me on my google number. My google number goes to my house phone and I am not always home so most of the time you will have to leave a message. My cell phone stays with me at all times……you will not have access to me at all times if I don’t know you. If you only give your number to a few people and send the rest to an email or something that is less assessable to you then you will be okay. This cuts down on people asking you to do things because you don’t get the message in time or you have time to look at your calendar. If you have your phone and someone calls you off guard to ask you something you may feel obligated to say yes in the moment. If they text or leave a message…you have time to think about it, see if it fits your schedule, and then make a better decision that’s not at the spur of the moment.
Don’t leave the door open if you truly want to say no – If your gut says to say no…..then say no. Don’t say maybe or check with me later because then they just might do that. Some people think a maybe is a yes…but if you leave that door open be prepared to walk through a couple of weeks later. If you do leave the door open to think about it….then when they come at you again make sure you have your firm answer ready.
I have a habit of just not replying to people….for me that is my no. I know it’s not the best way but I feel like common sense should tell you if I don’t want to do something and you ask and I don’t reply that should tell you right there that Kita doesn’t wanna do it. If I don’t answer you then you know my answer. If I truly wanted to do it you would have a clear answer from me. Use the medium that works for you if it’s email…use that to say no, if it’s text…use that sometimes it’s hard to have a phone conversation and say no because you then feel obligated to explain especially when the person is silent on the other end.
So how do you say no to people? Do you get hurt by the word no?