5 Lessons grief has taught me

Lessons grief has taught me

Lesson 1 – Don’t judge others and the way they grieve. Look some people grieve by falling out and crying. Some people grieve by staying silent. Some won’t grieve until weeks or months later. No matter what never judge someone on how they grieve or how you think they should grieve. When I lost my husband my Aunt said you need to cry but honestly she didn’t know what we had went through and I couldn’t at the time. I was still hurting about some things so I hadn’t even processed his death yet. I couldn’t cry…I had 0 tears. I know that sounds horrible but if you knew what we had just been through right before he passed away you would understand (I’ll save that story for later). I also couldn’t cry because I had to figure out how we were going to live since he was the breadwinner. I was in survival mode and when I’m there I don’t have time to cry I gotta shake and move. I cried later after a few weeks but at the time I was in go mode. People judged me but they didn’t know the story so I couldn’t get made.

Lesson 2 – That your true friends will come out of nowhere. Sometimes when people die or get married that is when you know who your true friends are. That is the truth! I lost a few and I also gained a few I never saw coming. See people show you their real selves when shat hits the fan. I saw who came through and who didn’t. I was aware although I didn’t say anything I was aware. I had one friend that I thought was my bestie and she didn’t even come to the funeral. Now I wouldn’t have noticed until I asked her something specific and she admitted that she wasn’t there. Ok if you don’t like funerals fine but you could have helped people at the house, offered to come and clean, come and sit with me one evening etc.

Lesson 3 – Life doesn’t stop. Guess what when the hubs died the day before his funeral the car insurance people called me and said that I was late on the payment. I was only 4 days behind but still they called and wanted their money. They knew he died because I had to deal with his car insurance you think they cared…nope. Most people will get back to their normal routines about a month after you lost your loved one like nothing happened. Life should also not stop for you. Do the things that you want to do and make no excuses when you do them. Don’t let grief stop you in your tracks because if you don’t get up you may just stay there forever.

Lesson 4 – Have more grace. I find that I use to snap at people for no reason. If a cashier was rude I would get rude right on back. After I lost my hubs I found that grace is needed because 9 times out of 10 folks aren’t really mad at you they are mad at themselves. You don’t have to ack a fool just because they do. I also give grace to people more because I have no idea what they are really going through especially when they say or do certain things. I have more of an understanding these days that I never had before. I put myself in other’s shoes and I see from both sides of the equations.

Lesson 5 – Pain and joy can coexist. Sometimes I’m angry and sometimes I’m happy it just depends on the day. I can actually be both in a 24 hour period. I can hear a song that my hubs loved and get emotional and then 2 hours later my son made an A on his test or he does something to make me laugh and I’m happy again. I can have both and I can exist with both.

I talk about grief a lot around here make sure you check out this post about how to deal with grief in different ways if you don’t want to go to therapy. I also wrote this post which was a confession of a widow.

If you have lost someone that you love tell me one lesson that you have learned.