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My tools for coping with grief beyond therapy

Not everyone wants to go to a therapist and not everyone can afford to go. I think when we lose someone close to us the first thing we learn how to do is cope with them being gone and then cope with the idea that they aren’t coming back. Depending on the relationships that is what sets the tone for how long you grieve, how it will affect you, and how you will recover. Some of us lose people and we don’t bat an eye because they had no purpose for our lives they brought no meaning to it. Some of us lose people and it stays with us until we are buried 50 to 80 years down the road. I’m not an expert but I want to share some tools I use to deal with grief without going to a therapist. It’s not that I don’t like therapy but I just can’t afford it and the good doctors the ones who are worth my time don’t take the Obama care insurance. We have to think about all the factors when we tell people to just go to therapy. It’s not as easy as just picking up the phone to go to one. It’s important to remember, there are many healthy ways to cope with grief. Though people may assume otherwise, silent or independent coping is not synonymous with bottling things up, withdrawing, or isolating. Outlets are also a huge help because some people can turn to writing, art, or other forms of coping without having to talk it out. Here are some of my go-to coping tools that I use to deal with grief.

Coping with grief beyond therapy

Journaling or Writing

My blog is my journal or somewhat similar to my journal. I write weekly about topics that affect my life and my kid’s life. That includes things on parenting, food, travel, and living life as a widow. I started my blog in 2010 a few years after my mother died. I needed an outlet because I was severely depressed and I had no insurance at the time to go anywhere. I figured writing down things would help me. It started off personal and I would write about topics that pertained to what I was going through. Losing a mom, having kids, saving money while grocery shopping, etc. It turned into something fun and it took off with me having my little audience. 7 years later (it will be 8 in November) I have built my little audience from 10 people to thousands. I know about 200 of them personally lol. I have started to journal and I usually write in it nightly before I go to bed. I will write down the things I did for the day and then write down how I felt that day and the lessons I learned. This has helped me because I can sometimes go back to my journal and get that aha moment. Journaling helps to shift perspectives, deal with anxiety, combat avoidance, and organize your thoughts.

 

Photography or anything dealing with the arts

I picked up my camera to capture the moments. I didn’t pick it up as a way to make money but to help me keep memories that change over time. I did a video on that a while back to showcase why and how I use my photography skills to capture things. Any art form that you use will help you cope. Some people love to color, some like to do planner things, some love to draw, some love to paint, some love to decorate etc. Whatever you use to cope use it. The arts are the way we express ourselves to others. You know how sometimes music is the way to tell someone something without you having the words….art is the same way. Some ways I use photography as an art form is to get the expressions of my kids as they grow without a father to see them be like their father, look like their father, and smile helps me to cope. I also use my camera to search for hope and strength this could be done by taking a macro photo of flowers (below) or by taking the sun rising or sun setting in the evening.

coping with grief beyond therapy

Keeping the person alive through rituals

This is important to me because we never want our loved ones to be forgotten. Every year for my husbands birthday the kids and I do something fun because he was a fun guy. We will either do six flags or go to a theme park of some sort. We will then get some balloons and some cake and sing him a happy birthday. Every mothers day I cook my mom’s favorite food and do something that she would have loved. I always make sure we keep these traditions alive and this helps with coping. You will be surprised how continuing what was already there can help you and you can also try new traditions that help you move forward.

Whatever you do to cope without going to therapy is up to you. Use what you have until you can find the help or can afford the help. Every little thing counts towards getting through grief. We can’t go over grief and we can’t ignore it the only way to deal with it is to go through it. I hope these tools will help you get through the grief of any kind.

coping with grief beyond therapy

 

 

 

 

 

32 Comments

  • Glenda Cates
    July 13, 2018 at 1:44 pm

    I lost my daughter and I couldn’t afford Counseling and tried to deal with it on my own which was okay but it isn’t something I would recommend as I stayed by myself burying things and it turned into Depression and wanting to take my own life. Thank God I didn’t or I wouldn’t be remarried to the most wonderful man ever and have my son.

    Reply
  • Candy
    July 13, 2018 at 2:17 pm

    Totally agree about cost or not wanting to go to a therapist. I know some great therapists. Keeping a journal is a wonderful way to express ones feelings

    Reply
  • Catherine Shane
    July 13, 2018 at 3:12 pm

    Such a great way to express our feelings and to look forward in life. We don’t need to go in a therapist when we should endure the pain. I love the way you express yourself and journalizing is really helpful in all aspect to enhance our knowledge. Nice to know a lot from you

    Reply
  • Angela Ricardo Bethea
    July 13, 2018 at 5:34 pm

    Those are some great ways of coping up with grief. Personally, I think writing it out is a good way though people each have different types of ways of coping.

    Reply
  • Gisele
    July 13, 2018 at 6:55 pm

    I love the idea of doing rituals! I lost my Mother in 2015 and her birthday each year is really hard because we always had friends and family come and celebrate with a big dinner and cake. Mom was so much fun! On her next birthday I will celebrate her again. Thank you!

    Reply
  • Amber Myers
    July 13, 2018 at 7:45 pm

    I think what you do is amazing on your husband’s birthday. I know my husband likes to do something nice on the day his father died. He’s never seen a therapist and just preferred to talk things over with me and remember him in his own way.

    Reply
  • Heather
    July 14, 2018 at 1:14 am

    I love to journal. Writing is my outlet. I love these times and agree therapy is not an option for everyone.

    Reply
  • Marysa
    July 14, 2018 at 2:36 am

    Everyone handles grief differently, and it’s good you found some ways to channel your grief and find things that are therapeutic. I lost some family members and find myself avoiding grief and my past a lot, which probably isn’t the healthiest way of coping.

    Reply
  • Geekdad248
    July 14, 2018 at 2:52 am

    I really like the pictures in this post. They really pop off the screen! A nice way to enhance a serious topic like dealing with grief. I’ve never been to a therapist or spoken with anyone about their experiences seeing one so I really don’t know much about this topic myself.

    Reply
  • Vyjay Rao
    July 14, 2018 at 5:14 am

    Therapists and therapies can help only to a certain extent. Grief is something so personal, I feel it has to be dealt with the individual only in the best manner suited to them. Writing is, of course, a very effective way to deal with grief.

    Reply
  • Shell Feis
    July 14, 2018 at 5:37 am

    You totally nailed exactly how I deal with loss. I tend to just dwell and dwell- but eventually I start writing and then find ways to remember them through ritual or other celebrations. It’s so hard to lose a loved one.

    Reply
  • NYCSingleMom
    July 14, 2018 at 10:24 am

    I was lucky enough to be in business school when my dad passed so my therapy sessions were covered but frankly I love your ideas better. Talking to someone is great but there are 23 hours in the day and weeks/months after a loss that you need other ways to cope! I wish I had thought to journal then which would have been very therapeutic!

    Reply
  • Nikki
    July 14, 2018 at 1:48 pm

    I have a really hard time dealing with grief. My grandparents died a decade ago and I’m still circling through the stages. I lost my aunt a year and a half ago to brain cancer, and I pretty much stick to denial most days by pretending that she’s just on vacation. I know it’s not healthy, but I can’t seem to get past any death in my family. These are all great ways to help get through it.

    Reply
  • Deirdre Smith
    July 14, 2018 at 7:11 pm

    Journaling and walking have really helped me when I have been grieving! There is something wonderful about putting words on paper and getting outside.

    Reply
  • Cailtin
    July 14, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    It really, really bums me out that access to therapy is so limited/expensive. It’s an awful position to put people in – balancing their mental health with their budget.

    Reply
  • robincharmagne
    July 15, 2018 at 11:31 am

    Journaling is so cathartic in dealing with grief situations. Thanks for sharing these options, I know it will help someone get through. https://www.robincharmagne.com/blog

    Reply
  • Mimi Green
    July 16, 2018 at 1:48 am

    I fear the loss of someone close to me. Having to go on without someone that is a part of my daily routine. Creativity is an outlet for me. I will craft until I am blue in the face. It balances me out.

    Reply
  • Joanna @ Everyday Made Fresh
    July 16, 2018 at 3:37 am

    These are all great ways to deal with grief. I lost my mother and had a huge family mess at the same time, with me not speaking to my dad for years after her passing. I had insurance, but wasn’t interested in therapy, I chose to write. Writing is a great way to get those thoughts out.

    Reply
  • Nancy at Whispered Inspirations
    July 16, 2018 at 2:35 pm

    I find journaling so helpful when it comes to sorting my thoughts out. I’ve been lucky enough to not experience much loss or grief but, I know it it inevitable. These are such amazing tips, very grateful for them. Thanks.

    Reply
  • Joyce Brewer
    July 16, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    Have you ever heard comedians talk about how they turned the pain in their lives into jokes to cope?
    I think bloggers do the same thing. Many of us have experienced life changes and come up with a blog to document and work through our issues.

    Reply
  • Christiana Acha
    July 16, 2018 at 4:47 pm

    I really appreciate you sharing these helpful tips. Coping with the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things anyone can ever go through and if not properly handled can cause a lot of harm that could last a life time, so, all of these tips you’ve shared are so helpful.

    Reply
  • Kiwi
    July 16, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    I think the ritual concept is beautiful. It is a way to honor your love one forever.

    Reply
  • Carol Cassara
    July 17, 2018 at 2:43 am

    That’s really well written, it could help people who have a hard time dealing with grief. It will never be easy but we need to find ways to cope.

    Reply
  • Elle Cole
    July 17, 2018 at 2:21 pm

    Loss can be extremely difficult. The closest person that I’ve lost, whom I loved, is my grandmother. She was kind, petty (yep not a typo, she was pretty too, but she put the P in petty), and extremely funny. I haven’t been to paid therapy yet. I need to go, I have good insurance, I just have trouble finding time to go. Luckily my sister is a therapist and so is my best friend. They have been lots of help to me when I needed them most like both times when I found out my child has not 1 but 2 chronic illnesses. Therapy is great, but it’s not in everyone’s reach and I understand that. The most important thing you’ve done is find your own mechanism of coping. I applaud you because it can take be years to find something that puts you at ease and provides comfort. All the best to you on your new journey and thanks for sharing your story.

    Reply
  • Brytnie
    July 17, 2018 at 8:57 pm

    This is extremely power and I’m sooo happy that you shared. I’ve lost people in my life but they were much like the first scenario you mentioned where it had an effect but not a huge one because you didn’t know them or they didn’t add to your life. Loss is a process that happens throughout life and I think about the day that I loose the people that mean the most to people way to often even though it happens yet so this is something I will keep with me for years and years to come. Thank you so much for your knowledge and advice.

    Reply
  • Kim
    July 17, 2018 at 9:59 pm

    This is great. When my dad died almost 6 years ago, my daughter was 9 mos. He watched her for me when I returned to work and we were very close. His death was very hard for me, but I think having my daughter was a great distraction from dealing with his death.

    Reply
  • Nicole of NLLMag
    July 17, 2018 at 11:49 pm

    My significant other lost a brother on his birthday. So on his birthday I try to engage him with activities that’s fun and involve the kids.

    Reply
  • Francesca Murray
    July 20, 2018 at 7:34 am

    I really wish therapy was more accessible to everyone because it can be so transformative, but I understand that for many it just simply isn’t an option. Thank you for sharing alternatives for those who can’t or aren’t ready to take that step. I am a firm believer in journaling! It’s such a great mechanism.

    Reply
  • Kirstin N. Fuller
    July 23, 2018 at 11:53 pm

    Love all of these coping mechanisms. My personal favorite is the rituals. When I miss my Mom, I pull out her baking pans and bake some of her famous mini lemon pound cakes. It helps a lot and makes it tolerable.

    Reply
  • Kirstin Fuller
    July 24, 2018 at 12:48 am

    These are great coping mechanisms. My favorite is ritual. I often pull out my Moms baking pans and bake her famous mini lemon cakes. It helps a lot to work through the grief even now.

    Reply
  • Moriah
    July 24, 2018 at 11:10 am

    I totally agree with this. I’m totally an advocate for therapy as a mechanism for coping and getting the African-American community to use it more, but I’m also an advocate for other (healthy) ways for people to cope. Like you said, everyone can’t afford therapy and some people just simply don’t want to go into depth with telling someone their story. Love this so much!

    Reply
  • […] Grief, however, is complicated, and the ceremony usually ends up being just one step in the healing process.  Also, consider these tips: […]

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