I remember the conversations like it was yesterday. It started when I was 7 years old. Then continued in my teenage years. The one that got me really mad was the conversation I had with my mom when I was pregnant with my son. I am going to reenact these 3 conversations today on the blog so that you can take a look into how I grew up. Let me state that my mom was only teaching me what she knew so don’t come for my mom. Also, I grew up in one of the most racist states in the south. Charleston, SC was where I grew up and yes it is home to the church killings. I grew up down the street from that very church. Let’s talk about how my mother prepared me for being black in America.
How my mother prepared me for being black in America
I was 7 years old and I was playing around in the store mirror. My mom was trying on clothes and a lady came over to tell me that I was ugly. My mom said something that I didn’t remember all I knew was that was the first time I was called ugly and I didn’t know what the word meant. In the car, I asked her…
Me: What does ugly mean?
Mom: Not pretty
Me: Am I ugly?
Mom: You will have to stay out of the sun. As a black girl, you will have to work 10 times harder because of the color of your skin. You will have to work harder than others who may be lighter than you or a different skin tone than you.
Growing up I saw a lot of light skinned girls doing nothing in class and getting A’s. The boys always seemed to flock to them first so I thought hmm maybe I was in the sun too much.
2nd Conversation was when I got pulled over for the first time at 16. My mom was in the car and I was given a speeding ticket for going to slow in a 55 mph zone. I was going 35…I was a new driver and the cars scared me just a little.
Mom: When the cop comes up to the window put your hands where they can see it and don’t say anything but what he asks and please don’t have an attitude I would like to live to see tomorrow.
Me: what?
Police comes over he had a nasty attitude and told my mom that she should teach me how to be a better driver. If she didn’t he could so don’t let them have to pull me over again.
Me: *after the cop leaves* Mom why didn’t you say anything like you usually do.
Mom: They kill us for the fun of it. When a policeman stops you make sure you are in a well-lit area and don’t ever talk back if you want to make it home alive
I was 16 Y’all this was back in the late ’90s
3rd conversation I just had my son he was only a month old and I called my mom to talk to her about something she interrupted me
Mom: Get life insurance for your son
Me: Come again?
Mom: Life insurance. Get a policy for him.
Me: Why?
Mom: He is a black boy
And that was the end of that conversation
My mom was a no bullcrap type of person she told me like it was and didn’t sugar coat much around me. She never said anything about hating others or getting revenge she just said what needed to be said and that was that.
When did you first learn about racism?
Wed Links
As a photographer these moments moved me
How do you really know if you really know someone?
I did the facebook challenge thing and now I regret it.
This post is interesting because I agree with both sides. Who do you agree with?
Look I agreed with this lady when she said WTF lol funny.
She rocked this routine. I use to love watching gymnastics as a child. I thought I was Dominque Dawes
I know MLK was Monday but Y’all gonna read this post because although my mom was tough and real I still loved the hell out of her.
18 Comments
Shantel
January 23, 2019 at 3:49 pmMy mom didn’t really talk about the black thing but i definitely do with my daughter because she’s living in times that I didn’t even live it. I don’t recall ever really having any race issues when I was kid. Unfortunately, my daughter is living in times unlike the times I grew up in.
Lauren Floyd
January 24, 2019 at 4:17 amAs much as that stay-out-of-the-sun comment gets under my skin, I definitely understand that was how some black women tried to protect their kids. I have light skin, and I still remember an older person saying something along the lines of keep that light skin and stay out of the sun. It’s sad because it’s so telling of what they had to go through to survive.
Kendro
January 24, 2019 at 4:40 amThe sad reality we live in, nonetheless we still strive and survive. I didn’t really get the race talk like that and I feel like many of my peers in my generation may have no also. Learning about it in these past few years has been an eye opener and given me a reality check. Thank you for this post.
Schnelle Acevedo
January 24, 2019 at 7:33 pmWow. That’s deep. And completely relatable. Dark skin was NOT in back in the day and my mom said a lot of the same to me.
Tamill
January 25, 2019 at 12:42 pmI was born and raised in the Atlanta metro area. I attended a majority Black high school, an HBCU for undergraduate and graduate school. I said all of that to say, I didn’t necessarily see or have to deal with racism directly, but I read about it and was taught about it in high school and college. It wasn’t until I moved to Texas for a couple years that I saw how polarized the country is and how racism is still alive and well. Nothing too bad happened to me, but I lived in a predominantly white neighborhood when I lived in Austin, TX, but what would irk me was when I would go to grocery stores near my house and people would just stare at me. I mean, they wouldn’t even try to play it off. Now, I’m a take not junk from anybody kind of person, so I would do the same thing to them that they were doing to me. I would stare at them until they got uncomfortable. I’m like, stop staring at me like I’m an alien or like you have never seen a Black woman bwfore.
Nadalie Bardo
January 25, 2019 at 4:45 pmSeriously eye-opening conversation, thank you for sharing. Maybe because I grew up in Canada or my parents are of Caribbean descent I never had THE talk. The older I got the more I realized that racism was a thing. Breaks my heart that this is reality.
Monique Ruffin
January 25, 2019 at 5:10 pmI am a dark skin girl and proud of it. Unfortunately, I have had the same conversation with my mom and friends. It sad we live in world that the conversation have to happen but it’s real and very sad. I know I will have to have these conversations with my son.
Nika
January 25, 2019 at 5:22 pmPhew! This was heavy. What do you say to your children?
Kita
January 26, 2019 at 3:51 pmA little of the same. I’m not as harsh but I am real especially since I have a black son. I am as real as I can be with him
Kasi Perkins
January 25, 2019 at 10:09 pmIt’s such a shame we live in a racist world. I’ve always witnessed racist moments, but this Trump era is unfortunately bringing it even further to the spotlight.
Holly
January 26, 2019 at 12:06 amWe didn’t talk about it that much. Just here and there about certain things. Def something that has to be brought up.
Kenya
January 27, 2019 at 6:21 pmYeah I didn’t get any sit down talks – not like what I do with my son now because he doesn’t read. I think I was introduced to the heart of what it meant to be black through the poetry and books of Langston Hughes and Maya Angelou and so on. My mom introduced me to all the black writers that wrote the bare truth. Some of it I witnessed for myself.
On another note, I date a light skinned guy once I must have met him in the winter, I can’t remember. But I do remember a comment when he commented about me getting dark in the summer. Wow, right?
Kiwi
January 28, 2019 at 7:49 amBreaks my heart to hear this and go through with many of these as well. It should not be like this in 2019 and one day I manifest these issues to not be a problem for us anymore and let go of these fears.
Tiffany Heard
January 29, 2019 at 4:05 amDo you think she prepared you, if so how? Do you wish she would have explained or expound further after the initial conversations? How do you prepare your kids? Scary thought about insurance policy (Everybody needs one) but we do know that black boys/men are targets in America
Kita
January 29, 2019 at 4:21 amI do. Nothing that has happened today surprises me because she kept it simple and real in plain terms. There was no need for her to expound because I saw it with my own eyes. I prepare my kids in the same manner. I speak clearly and frank. I may be a bit harsher because I go deep with my kids.
Nanekia Ansari
January 29, 2019 at 10:54 amIt’s sad that we still have to have these conversations with our children (not the stay out of the sun for skin tone purposes) I understand her method in wanting to protect you now as parents we have to form conversations that will empower our children.
Brittany
January 29, 2019 at 7:01 pmI don’t really remember a specific conversation, but I do remember listening to how my parents and grandmother referred to white people so I naturally became suspicious and mistrustful of them. The insurance policy on black boys is a comment I’ve heard before and thats unfortunate.
Mother Emanuel - It's Really Kita
June 10, 2019 at 6:03 am[…] shocked. Growing up in Charleston, SC in the heart of the city you wouldn’t be either. My mom taught me about racism long before I could even spell the world. Here is what I am hoping to learn from this […]