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When Black women get together and talk

February 12, 2018

Can we talk? Yes, you and I. I want to talk about this myth that black women don’t get along. It’s black history month so I am going to touch on this subject and then get into the book Can we Talk by Amber. If you don’t know Amber she is the Iyanla of the blogging and speaking world. She wrote my bio by the way so she knows her stuff. Before we get into her and her book let’s talk about this myth of black women.

Black women do get along. Let me say that again….black women do get along. Do we talk about each other? Yes, we do but it’s all about what you say and how you say it. I will tell one of my friends that I hate one of my other friends because she is not at the potential that I know she can be great at. When I talk about my friends I make sure I can say what I need to in front of their face and behind their back because behind their back I am wanting them to win and I get pissed when they aren’t winning.  We as black women can get along and I have the proof…have you heard of the Fab 5? It’s a group of 5 women that I am a part of and we collaborate, we drop gems, we help each other, we fuss, we will tell it like it is, we are real, and we are winning. This crab in a bucket mentality isn’t real and we do work together. There may be some women who have the I am going to win and bump everyone else but trust me…they ain’t winning. If you help others you win bigger trust me on that.

A few weeks ago in the midst of me losing my Aunt Emma, I got back here that Sunday to attend the event Can we Talk that Amber had here in Atlanta. I not only wanted to support my girl but I wanted to be in the room with my people. I wanted to learn and soak up some knowledge and I needed my ladies to help me get back on track because after losing someone you can get off track fast and lose your way. I needed some sense of familiarity and so I went to the event and boy was it good. We talked about family, business, parenting, etc. We talked about life and the various things we go through as women. One of the things I did was listen…I don’t do that often enough. I am always talking and not doing the listening. One of the main lessons that resonated with me was that we have to find our voice. I realized that I don’t use my voice enough. I don’t speak up and focus on my worth as much as I need to. Finding my voice is the key to finding out my purpose. Look I won’t lie I am an introvert. I don’t do well with a crowd of people and I try my best to be an extrovert and pretend but who am I kidding I have to know my limit. That is why for 2018 I am going to do my best to just be Kita…like me or not. Finding my voice doesn’t mean I have to change it just means I need to know what I can and won’t do. I need to know when to speak up and when not to worry about it.

So I am not going to give the entire book away because I want you to go and pick it up but I want to highlight two of my favorite chapters or lessons in this book.

Lesson 4. Don’t do life alone: Find your people

Did I mention that I was an introvert? I have a hard time finding my people. I am the person that wants to be asked to go to events but then doesn’t want to go to events then I get upset as to why they didn’t ask me to go to events lol. I understand though that you can’t live this life alone. You need people and you need to find the right ones that fit who you are. So for me, I want to find people who understand that I am an introvert and that I don’t like the phone. You need to text me and we can talk via that platform and only call me if it’s an emergency. I need someone who understands that I am a mom and I own 2 businesses…I’m busy I can’t hang out all the time. I need a tribe that will have my back and is honest with me even when it hurts. Here are some key points…

  • Know yourself. If you know yourself you can find your tribe. Consider what type of friend you are and what you want to see in a friendship. Make sure you bring to the table something
  • Know a good friend when you see one. I admit I don’t always jump into friendships I date friends just like I date men. I take my time cause I don’t have to anyone in my aura that shouldn’t be there
  • Know when to call it quits. Some friends are only there for a season…know when to let them go if you all aren’t growing anymore
  • Know what it takes to find new friends. I get it…most people have their tribe but be open to meeting new people

Lesson 6. Let go of the things that no longer serve you

I was just telling someone the other day that they need to clean out their home. Go through the garage and their closets and get rid of things that they haven’t used in over a year. Let go of people and places. So as many of you know I live in Atlanta and I hate it. I can’t let go of my home in Charleston, SC it’s home, it’s where my heart lies but I realize that my home like it or not is in Atlanta and that is where I choose to stay for the sake of my kids. In order for Atlanta to feel like home, I need to let a piece of Charleston go. This is going to be hard for me but it isn’t like I can’t drive 4 hours and go home anytime I want too. It means that I need to find the heart of Atlanta and make it a place where I feel comfortable. Charleston no longer serves me because I am not there and neither is any of my family (most have died out). One of the gems Amber mentioned at the end of this chapter that resonated with me is that “on this strange journey called life….pack light”

The event and the book was something that I needed to do. To see all of us as African American women come together for some laughs and cries…it was beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you that we don’t get along. We do and we all have so much in common than we think. This Black history month embrace your sister and love them..even the strong ones.


To purchase Amber’s Book go here

To find out more about Amber go here

Yes, I’m hiding in the pic below…I told you all I have work to do


  • Reply
    Chante Burkett
    February 12, 2018 at 7:42 pm

    I’m here for all of this…..I’m so happy that I got over this myth years ago, which helped me welcome in my tribe with open arms.

  • Reply
    February 13, 2018 at 7:44 pm

    This was a great post! I am glad that we are getting over this myth as well! I would’ve loved attending an event like this! I used to watch Amber on Periscope often!! She’s good!!

  • Reply
    February 13, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    My name is Leslir and I approve of this message. Not that you need my let’s just say I find that all of this speaks to my truth. Great post!

  • Reply
    February 14, 2018 at 2:04 am

    Aww I love Amber! When I first started blogging (as a beauty blogger) we were both newbies, and now she is killing it. Thank you for sharing your experience.

  • Reply
    Styled By OmiOmy
    February 14, 2018 at 3:33 am

    Tell the truth girl, we definitely do get along. “Finding you people” really stood out to me because doing life with others tend to make it more enjoyable. The right kind of people, of course.

  • Reply
    Antoinette Cain
    February 14, 2018 at 4:00 am

    Thank you for addressing this. It’s so necessary. These negative myths make me cringe.

  • Reply
    February 14, 2018 at 11:49 am

    Very great post! I dont like when women say they dont like other women, I think its good when you do find a good tribe of high vibing and supportive women to lean on.

  • Reply
    Mimi Green
    February 14, 2018 at 1:39 pm

    I love this, I see a lot of familiar faces in the pictures. I hate that people think women can’t get along. I hate that people think black women can’t get along. We can and we do all the freaking time.

  • Reply
    February 14, 2018 at 1:57 pm

    I’m feeling this book. I really want to check it out. I can already tell I’ll find a lot of great information in it. You had me at “don’t do life alone.” Everybody needs their people.

  • Reply
    Jay Colby
    February 14, 2018 at 2:57 pm

    Great post! I love that you’re debunking the myth that Black women cannot get a long.

  • Reply
    February 14, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    Now I would have enjoyed going to an event like this. We really do need sistahs that we can just chat with.

  • Reply
    Michelle Thames
    February 21, 2018 at 2:55 am

    Yes to all of this! This was a great post. Black women definitely can get together without drama.

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