I am an introvert. I’ve always been one. I keep to myself for the most part. When I was in the 2nd grade one of my good friends moved away and that stuck with me for the rest of my life. I vowed to never get close to anyone again. Over the years I would know a lot of people but didn’t really maintain a real true friendship. I’m a hard person to be around I admit that. I don’t like going out a lot, I don’t do phone calls that often, and I can be real.. too real sometimes. It’s hard making friends but as I approach my 40s I want to change that narrative just a little because let’s face it we all need people. So how do you make friends in your adult life? I don’t know because most friend groups or clicks won’t let you in so it can be hard but not difficult.
How to make friends in your adult life
I found most of my friends in college only one from grade school. I grew up knowing a lot of people but never quite fit in. During college I was myself and I found my sprinkle of people but what if you didn’t go to college? There are jobs but I don’t like to mix my money with folks from work. That can be hard but its not impossible. If I were to make friends at work I would have to vet that person for a few monts. Maybe tell a lie see if they run tell somebody, vet them in loyalty, vet them in how they act around you while you all are at work, etc. I have never made friends at work because I like to keep them both separate but as I said you have to do your work in vetting people to make sure it doesn’t mess with your money.
Meeting other parents at your kid’s school is a great way to make friends. I don’t go to my kids school that often but if I do I speak to folks and I do try to do kid parties. That’s the best way to be around new people go to a few birthday parties. I know you are like me and don’t want to go but I do try to go to at least 5 a year just to see who is who and get to know your kid’s friends. I’m not saying you have to be friends with your kid’s friend’s parent (did that make sense) but I am saying it’s nice to get to know people and step outside of your comfort zone and get to know others. Even if you all don’t become friends you can at least build a network of associates.
Neighbors are a great way to develop friendships. I am good friends with a neighbor she is an old neighbor but we still talk and go out. My neighbors that live right next door are older so I wave and speak but we are in different age brackets. I tend to not vibe with people who are my parent’s age but that’s just me. If you have a decent neighborhood then speak to them. Not only will you gain new friends but you will also gain people who will look out for you and share info on who they use to fix things that are always broken in your home.
Volunteering and book clubs are a great ways to meet new people. You never know who you might come across in clubs and sometimes talking about a book can lead to other convos and you find out that you have a lot in common. Finding things in common has always been my starting point when I meet people because we can have a conversation about something similar and gain feedback and flow. That’s how I know that this could be something. For example when I meet someone and they’ve lost their mom I can identify with them better and that is a great starter because grief brings out a realness in people that you need to see a glimpse of.
Social media is another great place to meet people. I will say I have met some great people via social media not all of them are friends but they are great associates and great people to converse with on certain things. This blog has driven me into a world that I had no idea was even out there and I have met so many incredible people. A lot of them I would never be friends with but I respect them enough to say they are great people regardless. I think starting with social media is a great way to gain friendships. Join FB groups, engage on instagram, and have fun.
When you meet a new friend or someone you feel can be friends with here are a few things you can do…
- invite them out for coffee and actually follow through. Don’t say let’s grab coffee and never set a date in motion. Even if you or the other person has to cancel still make the plans solid
- Write down something about them on your phone that makes them stand out. Don’t write down the sickening neighbor as the name (I actually have that lol) but maybe if their name is Ashley put Ash and in parenthesis put (5 boys) that way you know oh that’s the girl with 5 boys. Another example I have is I know 3 Angela’s…I put one Angela 1 (fav fam) Angela 2 (blunt) Angela 3 (Fashionista) You can also jot down their hobbies, maybe their age or something that you can lead the conversation off with next time you see them.
- Be willing to understand people and know when to leave them alone. We are old enough to read between the lines. Some people it’s not that they don’t want to be bothered it’s just that they don’t have the capacity to meet you where you are in life yet and thats ok. You can still speak when you see them and wave.
- Meet them where they are in life and learn how to listen more than you talk
- Make sure that they are on level with you in certain aspects. Don’t be friends with people who are selfish if you are giving, don’t be friends with people who always talk about themselves and never even ask you how you are within the first 15 min of convo, don’t be friends with people who have a nasty aura because you are at peace in your life and you don’t need that nastiness. Also, don’t be friends with people who will talk about others on a level of hate because if they talk about them they will talk about you.
Whatever you do to meet new friends make sure you set realistic expectations and be open. How do you meet friends? What’s the one sign you look for in meeting new people?
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