My mom was a great grandma. Although she was only with me for one year of my son’s life she was there and she did what most grandma’s do. She bought my son clothes, came up and babysat when I needed a break, gave my son food that he wasn’t supposed to have, etc. Now that my mom is gone my kids don’t really have a grandma that can do everything that I am used to. My hubs mom is in a nursing home and can’t do much. She can’t drive and she is limited on funds. I understand but there are grandma’s out there who don’t do anything for their grands. I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about how her mother in law doesn’t do anything for her grandchild and she only has one grandbaby. ONE…..which brings home the point that grandmas come a dime a dozen.
Grandmas Come a dime a dozen
My friend: Kita do you know this lady works a government job, no mortgage/rent, no car note, just bare minimum bills, and she won’t do anything for my daughter. She sends $25 for birthdays and a cheap toy she doesn’t like or need for Christmas and that’s it. I wish my mom was still alive to do what needs to be done. Why am I so angry that she won’t do anything for her grandchild?
Me: Maybe you are angry because you wish your mom was here and that maybe it’s not fair that God took the good one. I have felt like that sometimes but God makes no mistake. He takes who he needs and leaves who he doesn’t need at this moment. We have to learn not to expect things from people who are selfish or can’t give what our mothers did.
My friend: I think that is why I’m angry. I just wish my daughter had a grandma that did for her
Me: That’s why you have to do for your own daughter and not worry about what grandma will or won’t do. Sometimes people won’t do for you because they don’t like you, or they are jealous of you, or they are just selfish like that.
My friend: How do you handle your Mother In Law because you don’t seem angry that she doesn’t do for your kids
Me: My hubs mom never hardly did so I don’t expect her to. It’s not that she doesn’t want to she just never could because of money. I don’t expect anyone to do for my kids but myself. I birthed them so I can’t expect others to take care of them like I would and you have to get that in your head. You and your husband do for your child and that is all that matters.
My friend: Should I cut her off? Don’t speak when she texts? Don’t send her any pictures of my daughter
Me: It’s up to you. I can’t tell you what to do because I don’t know the dynamics of both sides but I will tell you this cutting her off won’t make the pain of your mom not being here go away and it won’t make her change. It will just serve a temporary purpose and she will still speak to your husband no matter what you say because that’s his mom.
My friend: *big sigh* I don’t know what to do but I will think about what you said and hope that I can heal from this anger and resentment before the new year comes
Do you have a good grandma in your life?
Wed Links
Speaking of grandma here is a post on how to deal with in-laws
I need to do more of these scary email things
Trust doesn’t’ come easy with me cause folks lie a lot here is how you know you can trust someone
I might do this next year with my kids and do my own sign along with them on the first day of school
I do number 6 and 19 every year for both of my kids
I hate driving in Atlanta, I really do. If I need to be somewhere that is 45 min away I need to leave 2 hours early just to make it there on time
My favorite is number 4 when it comes to ranch dressing
I have tried to make Rice Krispie treats from the directions on the back of the box and it doesn’t come out good. I will try this recipe instead
32 Comments
robin rue
September 5, 2018 at 11:56 amMy mom passed away last year, but my oldest was lucky enough to have 12 years with her and my little one had 9. She spoiled them ROTTEN when she was still here.
candy
September 5, 2018 at 12:00 pmI am a grandma and am happy to say I am the fun grandma. All about spending time with my grandchildren and making memories. Hope when I am gone they remember me in a fun and loving way.
Amber Myers
September 5, 2018 at 12:20 pmI can see how this would be frustrating. Luckily my kids do have pretty awesome grandparents. One crafts, so they have fun doing that with her since I am a terrible crafter, and the other one teaches them things about nature, which is great, because I prefer to stay indoors.
Sheena Steward
September 5, 2018 at 12:45 pmThis sounds like a very frustrating situation. My mom picks up my nieces every Friday and they spend the night with her so my brother and sis in law get s night to themselves every week. My mom said bring a grandparent is amazing and she doesn’t understand how some people don’t follow through.
Tasheena
September 5, 2018 at 2:04 pmMy maternal grandmother passed away when I was a baby. My paternal grandmother was alive until I was about 19. However, she could barely remember her own children, let alone her grandchildren. My mother had a step-mother who passed about five years ago who tried to be the grandmother I never had.
Melissa Chapman
September 5, 2018 at 2:39 pmI am sad my parents died and my husband’s too so my kids have no grandparents. Grandparents have a special relationship with the kids and all kids deserve caring ones.
Mel
September 5, 2018 at 2:50 pmGrandparents are special people, but there are definitely some who are more involved than others. I have learned that the hard way with my kids.
Vanessa Smith
September 5, 2018 at 2:56 pmI know that when I have children my mom will be the best grandmother every, and I will not expect her to do anything financially for my children. What is most important is that my children feel loved by her.
Jenn @ EngineerMommy
September 5, 2018 at 6:16 pmSpending time with a grandparent is so great for kids. I wish I had more time with my own grandparents when I was a kid. The memories I do have, I cherish!
Keisha Adinkra
September 5, 2018 at 6:27 pmThe role of grandparents has changed a lot since I was a child. My big mama on my moms side was the best! Nothing to do with money or gifts just hugs, kisses, good food, and great advice. My dad’s mom I really didn’t know that well. My son is fortunate having both sets of grandparents they really have gone above and beyond what I expected. He’s over 18 now and they aren’t showing any signs of stopping lol. I hope your friend can work things out with her mother in law. Perhaps she should just be honest and tell her how she’s feeling.
Bekah
September 5, 2018 at 8:02 pmThat’s a hard discussion to have at any age. I remember as a kid being confused by the other kids talking about the fun grandparents that they would hang out with, bake cookies with, etc. I never had a real relationship with any of my grandparents. Not until I met my husband did I see a more traditional grandparent situation modeled.
Joline
September 5, 2018 at 8:44 pmMy grandparents raised me actually, and they are still a big part of my life (our lives) until now. I think kids who have grandparents who are there for them are so blessed. Though it’s really different for every family I suppose.
Aisha
September 5, 2018 at 9:36 pmMy dad paid my son’s tuition this semester. He just dropped it in his account back account, and then still sent him a Birthday card. I couldn’t believe it 🤩🤩🤩… I am forever grateful, but he was going either way… I don’t expect other people to do anything for me.
Pam
September 5, 2018 at 11:37 pmIt sounds like your friend is in a frustrating situation. My mom was a great grandma, but she died when the kids were so young.
swathi
September 6, 2018 at 12:11 amMy mom died , so my kids has only one grandma who love to cook for them, like to buy things. But she is India here nobody, so my kids won’t much time to spend with her only during the visit. Still they some connection , Yes your friend has to decide what good for her kids .
Alyssa from The Sparkly Life
September 6, 2018 at 12:32 amMy mom is a great grandma. I truly have no complaints. She is a wonderful mom and a terrific grandma. I get so sad every time I think of losing her!
Ricci
September 6, 2018 at 3:31 amI have the opposite, an overbearing Grandma. I know I should be appreciative but she calls me ALL DAY EVERY DAY and I just need some space!!
valmg @ Mom Knows It All
September 6, 2018 at 4:17 amA lot of people don’t have one or any grandparents. My Mom is a terrific grandma, I feel very fortunate that my kids have had the opportunity to be close with her. But the day will come…
Cathy Mini
September 6, 2018 at 4:34 amI have a good Grandma too I really loves her. I missed her so much, but time flies so fast she is with God now.
Eva
September 6, 2018 at 12:19 pmWhew. This is real. I have often though of just covering up my hurt feelings by refusing to send pics and things, but eventually I realized – that isn’t helping in her healing or mine.
Leslie
September 6, 2018 at 8:12 pmGrandmas..grandparents can add value to a child’s life in other ways that fo. Ot require money or what they can do for the grandkid. My Grandma gave me alot of wisdom. My mom , who is now my daughter’s Grandma has not passed on life lessons yet but is generous with her time when able and gifting is her love language. I appreciate her and so does my kid. Because my own Grandma played such a role in my life, I do not view her as a dime a dozen. She was more like one in a million!
Mimi Green
September 7, 2018 at 1:55 amI had one amazing maternal grandma. I have all the memories with her, she loved me and was invested in me. She died when I was 22. Damn, I miss that woman. She never had a chance to meet my kids.
My paternal grandmother did not like me until I was 25 and pregnant with my first child. I don’t know what switched but something in her changed. She told me she loved me for the first time when I was in my late 20’s. I was floored. She is now 92 and has tried to right her wrong for all those years.
Carol Cassara
September 7, 2018 at 2:53 amSometimes anger stems from our own grief, I think you did a great job trying to get her to understand what she’s feeling. Although, grandparents really are supposed to spoil their grandchildren silly!
Anosa Malanga
September 7, 2018 at 7:46 amOhhh reading this makes me a little sad. I must say, it is very fulfilling having your grandparents at your side. I grew up with awesome grannies and I am looking forward that my future children will also experience this.
Nanekia
September 7, 2018 at 10:49 amThis topic hit home! Personally I miss my own grandmother daily. Since the divorce my older children’s grandmother divorced them as well. I feel frustrated by her actions but blessed that others have stepped into that role. Great read!
Kate | Life of a Ginger
September 7, 2018 at 12:39 pmI was very lucky that I had an amazing grandmother and my mom is an amazing grandmother, too. I just wish we lived closer.
Carissa
September 7, 2018 at 1:06 pmMy parents are the only set of grandparents because my husbands parents are deceased! They are awesome grandparents, they keep the kids and help whenever and where help is needed! I’m truly grateful for them! My in laws try to help out but it comes with all types of stipulations and trying to tell me how to raise my kids so I never ask for help or expect anything because I don’t need the headache!
Joyce Brewer
September 7, 2018 at 1:15 pmLike your friend, one of our son’s grandmas is MIA. She’s only seen him once and he’s 8 years old. She sent gifts when he was first born and for his first birthday. Nothing since then.
I realize she’s got her own emotional issues and stress that make her unable to be a loving, supportive grandparent. That’s fine for now. I’d rather her stay away than bring drama.
Stacie
September 7, 2018 at 1:16 pmOh, I had the grandest of Grandmas. She was something special. She passed about 10 years ago. I try not to spend so much on my gbabies but if they need it I will. It’s more important to leave a legacy of love in their lives.
Gina
September 7, 2018 at 2:52 pmI was fortunate enough to have two grandmothers growing up who were kind enough to get me extras as a kid. My parents do what they can for my children, but I have no expectations on how they should behave as grandparents. I think she should be honest and tell her how she feels. You can’t expect someone to fall into a role you want them to be in.
Tiffany Haywood
September 18, 2018 at 1:31 pmMy Grandmother actually raised me from the time I was born. She took over and stepped in when my Mother was still focused on being her. she has been a true Grandmother to my children in every way. On the other hand my mother has only seen my kids a handful of times, she doesn’t connect with them and they barely no her. I used to wonder how she could be the way she is when her mother is everything she isn’t. Then one day I realized it isn’t always how you are raised but simply who you are. I don’t think my mom was really meant to be a mom. Even though I have 2 younger sisters I just don’t think it’s something she’s good at…
Kiwi
September 24, 2018 at 4:25 amI only grew up with one grandma because my moms mother was not an ideal grandmother she was in a nursing home too. If you have a grandma find but it seems like your friend is upset moreso because she misses her own mom and wishes the other grandma would step up and take the place of your mom maybe financially