We all get jealous or envious at some point in our lives. It’s human nature to be envious of someone who you think is doing better than you. Let’s be real for a moment….we all get Jealous of someone in our lives. I am always seeing others doing things that I would love to do and in my head I’m like why can’t I be that person, why can’t I achieve what that person has achieved, why can’t I do it if they can do it. When I get jealous I confront that feeling with thoughts of how can I turn this jealousy into making myself more successful. See the problem is you can’t live in your jealously you have to embrace it…and then get up and climb that mountain in your own way. As someone said to me once…..if you want to get on my level....CLIMB! Click To Tweet
Social media makes you really jealous. Have you been on instagram lately? I get jealous of people who have nice photos and I think…wait I have my camera why doesn’t my photos come out this nice? You have to know that there are levels to having a nice photo that you may not be aware of…does that person have a mentor, does that person use expensive equipment, does that person rely on actions/presets, is that picture a stock photo (yes…I realize that a lot of photos that I absolutely love were taken by someone else lol). There are questions you must ask as to why someone seems to be successful. In the blogging world we see bloggers that make 6 figures….do we know whose helping them behind the scenes. Maybe they have a cousin whose good with video, maybe their husbands are good with the camera, maybe they are connected with the right folks. Whatever the reason…we want to be in that same boat. When you constantly check someones Facebook you can get jealous, when you see what others are doing on snapchat…you can get jealous. Social media will make you think that others are living it up. I have learned that whats on social media is just what people want you to see…..the story behind the photo or the story behind why that person is doing good…you don’t see that. (More on that later)
Jealousy can lead to other things like stress, eating problems, lashing out, moping, feeling unsure, etc. It can also lead to relationship problems. There are a lot of women that I know personally who won’t let their man go anywhere because they fear that the man will meet another women or leave them or have fun without them. I had this fear myself when my husband and I first got married. Like dude…your friends get to see you more than I get to see you…I was jealous as hell. I don’t mind you going out with your friends but can I get a day of your time. I was jealous as hell that his friends and his family got more of him than I did. After a while I had to confront that and find a way to make the relationship work. I started going with him to his family functions, when he went out with his friends I found a hobby to occupy my time. We made a committed effort to have a day to ourselves once a week so that way I get his time and won’t feel left out. You can lose friendships because of jealousy to. You would be surprised that the closest people to you are the most jealous of you. They see you succeeding and sometimes it’s not the act of succeeding that makes them jealous…its actually you the person doing the succeeding that makes them jealous. How can Kita the girl who cusses so much and dresses in sweats all the time succeed…she is a nobody so how is she succeeding (this was actually told to me in my face lol) it wasn’t the act of what I was doing that was making the person jealous they just didn’t understand how I can be the one doing the deed and not them.
Let’s talk about some ways you can overcome jealousy….
- Acknowledge that you are jealous and sit in that moment. Go outside and get from around people so that you can live in that moment. Don’t ignore it!
- Ask yourself why you are jealous. Write it down if you have to. I am jealous of Melissa because she always has an idea that she capitalizes on to make money. I want to make money so what is Melissa doing that I’m not doing. Am I jealous of Melissa the person or the act of her making money. Am I jealous of not being able to come up with the ideas myself and executing them. Dig deep to find out why you are jealous of someone
- Share your jealous thoughts. I share with my closest friends why I may be jealous of someone and they are fair with me and help me to examine the why and what I can do to turn that jealousy into greatness
- Self care when you are jealous and love on you more. Be grateful for where you are. When I was jealous of others and their pretty pictures I said to myself you know what…let me go and shoot some street photography or let me learn my camera more. I turned that jealously into learning my craft more and getting into my lane to become a better Kita
- Encouragement. If I’m feeling jealous towards a certain person, then I like to turn it into encouragement. As women, I believe that one of the best things we can do for other women is to encourage and support them. If my friend is doing really well at something, and I start to feel jealous about it, then I turn it around and be encouraging and helpful instead. Although our minds are like I am pissed she is doing so good we have to push through and support in a genuine way. Don’t bring others down so that you can feel bigger that won’t get you anywhere in life
Now Jealous can also be a good thing…it can help you become more successful
Jealousy shows me that I can do things if I put my mind to it. We all have 24hrs in a day. Yes Beyonce has a chef, a nanny, and assistants but we have people that we can use for free also. Reach out to a friend and ask for help with something. Use your network to become successful and don’t let pride or ego keep you from being great. If I see someone taking better pictures than me I use that jealously to learn my equipment, learn lightroom, learn how to do better brand photography, etc. If a person can do it so can you. Jealousy isn’t about something you can’t have or an idea that is taken by someone else….you can still be great and do what’s possible for you. So what if someone else takes better photos….I can take great photos to and become great in a certain niche. I can put my own Kita spin on what I do to make me unique and different
Jealousy makes me want to go to the next level. It drives me to do better and do more. I want to become great so I take that jealousy to do just that! I have a mastermind group and we are in that group daily to see whats working, whats not working, what we can do to make it better and make it fit our personality. It’s all about taking whats great and doing it our way. We don’t have to invent anything new we just have to do it our way.
As I am getting older I now take that jealous spirit and turn it into something great. I live in that jealousy for a moment and then I get up and put the work in. You see…we get jealous of people but don’t know the entire story. As a story teller I had to get that thought to the forefront of my head. I am jealous of the love that Bob and Sue have but I have no idea that they can’t have kids, I am jealous of the house that Mary has but I had no idea she use to sleep in her car, I am jealous of Tom but I have no idea the time spent away from his kids and his family to get to that level, I am jealous of other companies who seem to be doing great but realize that they had to start from somewhere. Yes sometimes things are given to people or it seems that some are lucky but I am a firm believer that what is for you…will be for you no matter what.