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It's Life

How to overcome your Jealousy

March 13, 2017

We all get jealous or envious at some point in our lives. It’s human nature to be envious of someone who you think is doing better than you. Let’s be real for a moment….we all get Jealous of someone in our lives. I am always seeing others doing things that I would love to do and in my head I’m like why can’t I be that person, why can’t I achieve what that person has achieved, why can’t I do it if they can do it. When I get jealous I confront that feeling with thoughts of how can I turn this jealousy into making myself more successful. See the problem is you can’t live in your jealously you have to embrace it…and then get up and climb that mountain in your own way. As someone said to me once…..

if you want to get on my level....CLIMB! Click To Tweet

Social media makes you really jealous. Have you been on instagram lately? I get jealous of people who have nice photos and I think…wait I have my camera why doesn’t my photos come out this nice? You have to know that there are levels to having a nice photo that you may not be aware of…does that person have a mentor, does that person use expensive equipment, does that person rely on actions/presets, is that picture a stock photo (yes…I realize that a lot of photos that I absolutely love were taken by someone else lol). There are questions you must ask as to why someone seems to be successful. In the blogging world we see bloggers that make 6 figures….do we know whose helping them behind the scenes. Maybe they have a cousin whose good with video, maybe their husbands are good with the camera, maybe they are connected with the right folks. Whatever the reason…we want to be in that same boat. When you constantly check someones Facebook you can get jealous, when you see what others are doing on snapchat…you can get jealous. Social media will make you think that others are living it up. I have learned that whats on social media is just what people want you to see…..the story behind the photo or the story behind why that person is doing good…you don’t see that. (More on that later)

Jealousy can lead to other things like stress, eating problems, lashing out, moping, feeling unsure, etc. It can also lead to relationship problems. There are a lot of women that I know personally who won’t let their man go anywhere because they fear that the man will meet another women or leave them or have fun without them. I had this fear myself when my husband and I first got married. Like dude…your friends get to see you more than I get to see you…I was jealous as hell. I don’t mind you going out with your friends but can I get a day of your time. I was jealous as hell that his friends and his family got more of him than I did. After a while I had to confront that and find a way to make the relationship work. I started going with him to his family functions, when he went out with his friends I found a hobby to occupy my time. We made a committed effort to have a day to ourselves once a week so that way I get his time and won’t feel left out. You can lose friendships because of jealousy to. You would be surprised that the closest people to you are the most jealous of you. They see you succeeding and sometimes it’s not the act of succeeding that makes them jealous…its actually you the person doing the succeeding that makes them jealous. How can Kita the girl who cusses so much and dresses in sweats all the time succeed…she is a nobody so how is she succeeding (this was actually told to me in my face lol) it wasn’t the act of what I was doing that was making the person jealous they just didn’t understand how I can be the one doing the deed and not them.

Let’s talk about some ways you can overcome jealousy….

  1. Acknowledge that you are jealous and sit in that moment. Go outside and get from around people so that you can live in that moment. Don’t ignore it!
  2. Ask yourself why you are jealous. Write it down if you have to. I am jealous of Melissa because she always has an idea that she capitalizes on to make money. I want to make money so what is Melissa doing that I’m not doing. Am I jealous of Melissa the person or the act of her making money. Am I jealous of not being able to come up with the ideas myself and executing them. Dig deep to find out why you are jealous of someone
  3. Share your jealous thoughts. I share with my closest friends why I may be jealous of someone and they are fair with me and help me to examine the why and what I can do to turn that jealousy into greatness
  4. Self care when you are jealous and love on you more. Be grateful for where you are. When I was jealous of others and their pretty pictures I said to myself you know what…let me go and shoot some street photography or let me learn my camera more. I turned that jealously into learning my craft more and getting into my lane to become a better Kita
  5. Encouragement. If I’m feeling jealous towards a certain person, then I like to turn it into encouragement. As women, I believe that one of the best things we can do for other women is to encourage and support them. If my friend is doing really well at something, and I start to feel jealous about it, then I turn it around and be encouraging and helpful instead. Although our minds are like I am pissed she is doing so good we have to push through and support in a genuine way. Don’t bring others down so that you can feel bigger that won’t get you anywhere in life

Now Jealous can also be a good thing…it can help you become more successful

Jealousy shows me that I can do things if I put my mind to it. We all have 24hrs in a day. Yes Beyonce has a chef, a nanny, and assistants but we have people that we can use for free also. Reach out to a friend and ask for help with something. Use your network to become successful and don’t let pride or ego keep you from being great. If I see someone taking better pictures than me I use that jealously to learn my equipment, learn lightroom, learn how to do better brand photography, etc. If a person can do it so can you. Jealousy isn’t about something you can’t have or an idea that is taken by someone else….you can still be great and do what’s possible for you. So what if someone else takes better photos….I can take great photos to and become great in a certain niche. I can put my own Kita spin on what I do to make me unique and different

Jealousy makes me want to go to the next level. It drives me to do better and do more. I want to become great so I take that jealousy to do just that! I have a mastermind group and we are in that group daily to see whats working, whats not working, what we can do to make it better and make it fit our personality. It’s all about taking whats great and doing it our way. We don’t have to invent anything new we just have to do it our way.

As I am getting older I now take that jealous spirit and turn it into something great. I live in that jealousy for a moment and then I get up and put the work in. You see…we get jealous of people but don’t know the entire story. As a story teller I had to get that thought to the forefront of my head. I am jealous of the love that Bob and Sue have but I have no idea that they can’t have kids, I am jealous of the house that Mary has but I had no idea she use to sleep in her car, I am jealous of Tom but I have no idea the time spent away from his kids and his family to get to that level, I am jealous of other companies who seem to be doing great but realize that they had to start from somewhere. Yes sometimes things are given to people or it seems that some are lucky but I am a firm believer that what is for you…will be for you no matter what.

  • Reply
    robin Rue
    March 13, 2017 at 10:47 am

    I try wicked hard not to be jealous, but sometimes I can’t help myself. I love your tips to overcome it.

  • Reply
    Alli Smith
    March 13, 2017 at 11:10 am

    I agree that we all have been jealous of some point in our lives. As I’ve grown older and matured more, I’ve noticed that it’s not so much a thing any longer. I love how you talk about turning that jealous spirit into something great.

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    March 13, 2017 at 1:09 pm

    YES! Don’t bring others down so that you can feel bigger – YES!
    This is hard and I will admit that I do too feel jealous of others. Especially when I’m in a depressed state and looking from the outside in. What I do in these states is completely cut myself off of social media because I know that we all put on filters. What we see online is mostly a facade anyways. No one is showing 100% of themselves and I think that’s important for everyone to remember.
    And then I write – what is good in my life? and then go from there. Kind of like what you do with your “Put a Kita spin” on it.
    I really love all of this. Fabulous and real post.

  • Reply
    Christy Maurer
    March 13, 2017 at 1:41 pm

    It is definitely hard to not be jealous sometimes! I think it is worse in these days of instant access. We see friends on nice vacations or with new cars, and it’s hard not to feel that twinge. Thanks for sharing this honest post!

  • Reply
    candy
    March 13, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    Amazing how many forms jealousy comes in. Usually people with low self esteems are prone to serious jealousy. One of the sins in this world.

  • Reply
    Heather @ Kraus House Mom
    March 13, 2017 at 3:54 pm

    I find I get jealous over little things, like how does she get her hair to look like that, Why can’t I? They get to go on vacation every couple of months…things like that. I don’t dwell on it though, everyone’s life is different.

  • Reply
    Jeanie Emmert
    March 13, 2017 at 4:20 pm

    Good tips for taming that green-eyed monster called jealousy. You’re right – it’s in our nature to experience jealousy and it’s good to be prepared with how to deal with it.

  • Reply
    lisa
    March 13, 2017 at 6:48 pm

    I try not to get jealous, but it is hard. There will always be someone out there with better things, or a better body, but we have to think about all of our own good qualities that make us unique.

  • Reply
    Amanda
    March 13, 2017 at 10:25 pm

    Amazing post! In the past I have found that I would get jealous over people I don’t even know. During that time I would pray about it and make sure I’m doing positive self-talk. I always tell myself this is what they want the world to see but no telling how they arrived at this place. I would take a break from social media to refocus on my blessings.

  • Reply
    Jenn @ EngineerMommy
    March 13, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    Getting jealous is something that we all experience at one point or another. It’s important not to dwell on those feelings and try to move on quickly. These are great tips.

  • Reply
    Annemarie LeBlanc
    March 13, 2017 at 11:30 pm

    I love this post. Jealousy is real and if we can’t overcome it, then that becomes a problem. Years ago, I attended a business seminar. One of the quotes the speaker said, that sticks to me until now is, “Watch the person ahead of you. Watch him closely and learn why he is ahead. Then emulate him.”

    • Reply
      Kita
      March 14, 2017 at 12:45 am

      This! Love that quote and so true

  • Reply
    Bella
    March 13, 2017 at 11:45 pm

    Jealousy is something we are all familliar with. As I get older I find it gets easier but these are some great tips to get past it.

  • Reply
    valmg @ Mom Knows It All
    March 14, 2017 at 1:28 am

    I remember feeling jealous very well, back when I was in my early teens. I rarely do these days, and if I do it isn’t about blogging, social media, photographs and the like.

  • Reply
    ricci
    March 14, 2017 at 2:37 am

    Jealousy is real and it sucks. These are gray tips on learning to overcome it!!

  • Reply
    Stephanie Pass
    March 14, 2017 at 4:22 am

    I definitely think this wanes with age. If I see someone that I’m envious of, I try to just get to that same level myself. I’d much rather accomplish something than just want it.

  • Reply
    danik
    March 14, 2017 at 9:46 am

    Great post and I had a lot of jealousy issues when I was younger. As Stephanie above, when you get older, it wanes and then tend not to get caught up with it.

  • Reply
    Shannon Graham
    March 14, 2017 at 6:21 pm

    I’m not a fan of being on social media all the time. Specifically because it eventually gets into your head. Everyone has something we want and we have something others want. I just be me and then if there’s something I see I want to do, I try not to be jealous of the person I saw do it but like you, I try to accomplish it in my own way.

  • Reply
    Jocelyn @ Hip Mama's Place
    March 15, 2017 at 2:46 am

    These are some really great suggestions. It is so scary when that green-eyed monster rears it’s ugly head.

  • Reply
    Anosa
    March 16, 2017 at 3:57 am

    Most of the time people get jealous on what other people achieves I guess its just a matter of self confidence and self-love. If you know your worth, you may never get jealous.

  • Reply
    Ty
    March 17, 2017 at 5:46 pm

    Great post and these are some great tips. I have never been a jealous person but I think this post will help anyone who needs to overcome it.

  • Reply
    Kat
    March 17, 2017 at 8:17 pm

    This is a very good post. Jealousy is very common to everyone. You are right that one must acknowledge the jealousy and analyze the feeling of why. We don’t know The Who’s what’s or whys of someone that has what they have. All we know is we want it too.

  • Reply
    Michelle
    March 17, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    I’m glad feelings of jealousy wane as you get older. It’s such wasted energy.

  • Reply
    Paula Bendfeldt
    March 18, 2017 at 1:21 am

    I feel that social media really brings out jealousy in many people but that is because most people only show the pretty side of their lives which makes them look perfect. We have to remember that hat what we see on platforms like Instagram is usually not real.

  • Reply
    Keisha
    March 18, 2017 at 4:53 am

    Great post! If we stop and try to understand why we have feelings of jealousy we are more likely to overcome them. As we grow not necessarily older but grow in our knowledge of self we learn to appreciate what we offer the world just as much as what others offer. Understanding is key. Thanks for sharing!

  • Reply
    Felecia Monique
    March 18, 2017 at 6:06 pm

    Jealousy is my worst enemy. I try to avoid it but my mind reverts to envy at the simplest moments. Great post!

  • Reply
    Latoya | Life and a Budget
    March 19, 2017 at 7:50 pm

    These are great tips. I recently read somewhere that being jealous is the universe’s way of introducing what it is preparing you for if you’re ready to receive it. It’s often indicative of internal work we need to do to get what we want out of life.

  • Reply
    Courtney CJ
    March 19, 2017 at 9:27 pm

    You are absolutely right about that fact that jealousy is a normal thing. I love how you broke down are you jealous of a person or what they are achieving? That’s digging deep and getting to the root of the problem.

  • Reply
    Mimi Green
    March 20, 2017 at 2:16 am

    Jealousy for me serves more as inspiration. Usually I am inspired to keep working on my goals. Sometimes I realize that I’m jealous over nothing. While I may like it realistically it isn’t my thing. I try not to wallow in it.

  • Reply
    Candice
    March 20, 2017 at 3:17 am

    I admit to being envious of people that I admire at times. I can’t say jealous, because that would imply that I feel inadequate. I think age & maturity have helped me to overcome any jealousy but you gave some great tips for me to think about when dealing with envy.

  • Reply
    Tia | Pennies In My Pocket
    March 20, 2017 at 4:15 am

    Jealousy happens at times but I think these are very useful tips to turn that emotion around. Feeling jealous is usually an indication for me that I need to re-focus on my own personal goals.

  • Reply
    Tiffany H.
    March 21, 2017 at 2:44 am

    I think jealousy is natural but the key is not to dwell on it. Social Media can def have you jealous but honestly we don’t know what people are going through behind the tweets, pictures and post.

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