It's Life

7 lessons I learned from my husband

March 20, 2017

Yesterday would have been the hubs 38th birthday. Most of you know he passed away last January so we are just shy of a year without him. It’s been tough but we make it through. One way we do that is by celebrating him on his birthday. We make no excuses on his day. We don’t get to cry we don’t get to be sad. It’s the one day that we can be happy and smile no matter what. I always make birthdays special for loved ones whom have passed by doing something they loved to do. My husband loved animals….I don’t know…I think he may have been the animal whisperer. So this year for his birthday we decided to volunteer at a local animal shelter. This gives me a way to see if my kids are ready for the upkeep of a dog and I get to see if I truly truly want to have one but enough of that let’s get into 7 things he taught me about life that I will forever be grateful for

He taught me how to be humble – When my mom first met him the first thing she said was wow Kita he is such a humble guy…not the hood ones you usually bring home…I know mom that’s why I am gonna marry this one because he is different lol. He was very humble…never bragged never threw up anything in your face would take on so much and complain very little. He complained some but not as much as he could have. He taught me how to be more humble because I wasn’t….after being with him I kinda took on that humble personality and it has done me some good and has also brought me some peace

He taught me that fishing is not all about catching a fish – I fish….but I hate to put the worms on the hook so I made him do it. I love going fishing and would talk and talk and talk until one day he was like shut up and just fish….What the hell…I know he didn’t….but I did shut up and for once I realized that fishing brings you peace and calmness. We get so busy ripping and running in our hectic schedules that sometimes it’s not all about the fish…it’s about the peace and the calm. Find something that calms you and as he told me….shut up and enjoy it quietly lol

Love – I should have saved this for last but there is another component that I think was his biggest lesson and I will save that for last….He taught me how to love. Love was not just a word with him it was in his actions. He took care of 4 people with 0 help, he came home every night exhausted but still picked his babies up, he always called me like clockwork every single morning no matter what. Even if we had a fight or he was out of town….he would call me around the same time every morning and ask me the same questions…What you doing? Nothing, What you doing…talking to you. He didn’t have to say I love you I knew that he did just by doing that. It’s one of the things I miss the most…my phone doesn’t ring in the mornings anymore so these days I take that time and mediditate. He showed me that a man can truly love a women without all the extra bullcrap.

Forgiveness – This man….you can stab him in the back and he will still forgive you. How he did this I will never ever know. How can you talk to someone who did you wrong? What is wrong with you? He would simply say sometimes people hurt you because of something in their past or something that is wrong with them. Hurt people hurt people so if someone hurts you forgive them and move on because it makes no sense to crucify them when you aren’t perfect yourself. I hated how he forgave people so easily but he always did which in turn taught me to forgive people because there is no need to have someone making me pissed off on a daily basis when they have moved on and ain’t even thinking about you. Forgiveness sets you free! Free of the person, free of what they did to you, free to be at peace with who you are and your role in whatever happened.

Friends are important – He had a few really good friends whom he talked to at least 3-4 times a week. I never had a lot of friends growing up so all his friends use to overwhelm me because it was always a function he had to go to for them. A birthday party, a baby shower, a wedding, like dude you got way to many friends. He said friends are important and you gotta keep them close because they are the ones who become like brothers and sisters to you. This is so true because after his death his friends…(the real ones) continue to take care of my kids and I. I always try to make sure I make time for my friends and cherish them.

Music talks for you when you can’t speak for yourself – When we use to have fights he would go and play his instrument or he would play a song of some sort. When we first got married I would always wonder why he turned to music so much. Towards the 6 yr of marriage I finally figured out that music did the talking for him. It was his way of telling me what was wrong and how he was feeling. Yep it took me a while to figure that out but once I did I could better handle the disagreements and talk to him from a different point of view. Music spoke to him in a huge way and so sometimes when I miss him guess what I turn to…..yep music!

The biggest thing he taught me though that I will always carry with me is the way he loved me for me. I was always ashamed of how I looked…darkskinned black skinny girl with no ass and a huge gap teeth. Sure guys talked to me for one thing but him….he saw more than one thing. He loved me for who I was and accepted me flaws and all. Thats one of the things he taught me to do. Love people from the inside out not the outside in. That is one of the things I teach my kids often…..love people from the inside because that is what’s most important. You see all these men leaving women who are fine as hell and vice versa it’s because they fell in love with the outside first. The outside will make a man come to ya but the inside is what makes him stay. Always remember that in life.

Happy birthday to the hubs I hope he is celebrating in heaven with his favorite people who are up there with him and we will celebrate the man that he was and the man that he will continue to be within our lives.





  • Reply
    March 20, 2017 at 12:22 pm

    This what so beautiful to read. Happy Birthday to your husband in heaven. He’s lucky to have a wife like you to let the world know how wonderful he is.

  • Reply
    March 20, 2017 at 1:38 pm

    This is beautifully written. I love that you all honor his memory by doing something that reflects his love for animals ♥ He sounds like he was a wonderful man with a lot of wisdom and love to give. Thanks for sharing.

  • Reply
    March 20, 2017 at 1:39 pm

    What a wonderful tribute! I just lost my brother at 22 due to heart attack from complications with diabetes. There will be good and days but I know Marco is with me and I hold on that.

  • Reply
    March 20, 2017 at 3:11 pm

    This was a beautiful post. Happy Birthday to your husband in peace. He reminds me of my guy at home. Thank you for sharing your lessons.

  • Reply
    Johlene Orton
    March 20, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    Beautiful Post Kita… this brought tears to my eyes…

  • Reply
    Toiia L. Rukuni
    March 20, 2017 at 6:11 pm

    This is such a beautiful, well written, and heartfelt blog post. This really speaks to the fact that you have to become very close to your loved ones, spouses, and friends because life is so short and should not be taken for granted!

  • Reply
    Bren Pace | A Splash of Cray
    March 20, 2017 at 6:24 pm

    Oh gosh, Kita. You make me cry. What a great tribute to your children’s father, your best friend, lover, and husband. I know he’s smiling down upon you and your family today. God bless.

  • Reply
    Mimi Green
    March 20, 2017 at 10:16 pm

    Very real yet really touching. It’s funny how life happens, this is why it’s so important to surround ourselves with good people. They rub off on us when we aren’t looking. ❤️

  • Reply
    March 20, 2017 at 11:24 pm

    I honestly have no words. This is an awesome tribute to him and you and your family are in my thoughts as you celebrate him everyday.

  • Reply
    March 21, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    What an AMAZING tribute!!! And Im a total crybaby so Im sitting here crying! Hugs to you and your kids as you celebrate this day!!

  • Reply
    Carlana Charles
    March 21, 2017 at 3:52 pm

    Lovely tribute. He must have been a wonderful man. Continue being strong.

  • Reply
    Elle (CleverlyChanging)
    March 22, 2017 at 10:23 am

    Encouraging our men with love and affirmation is rarely done in public. Kudos to you for letting the world know your admiration for him.

  • Reply
    March 24, 2017 at 10:24 am

    I cried from beginning to end thank you so much for having the courage to share. All very important lessons to cherish and hold on too.

  • Reply
    March 24, 2017 at 12:45 pm

    This was a beautiful post and now I’m in tears. Thank you for sharing the gifts from your husband to you with us. This is one I won’t forget and something I’m going to share with my son who really doesn’t have a model of what a man should be and this is a great example of what to strive for.

  • Reply
    April 2, 2017 at 4:48 am

    Kits, this was a beautiful post. Truly heartfelt and you can read the love through your words. This is a beautiful tribute to your husband.

    • Reply
      April 2, 2017 at 4:50 am

      Ugh! I’m so sorry. Kita. Why for the life of me can I not type? 😳😰

  • Reply
    August 29, 2017 at 2:57 am

    Much love to you!

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