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It's Parenting

Raising my son

October 16, 2017

It’s hard raising a son as a single mother. I am a firm believer that a women can’t raise a man. I’m sorry we can do the best we can but they still need someone from the male side to help guide them and teach them their ways. I can only do but so much. I am not a man nor do I think like one and trust me….they are some weird aliens…..I mean humans *side eye*. As a single mother I want to make sure that I don’t baby my son and I also want to make sure that he does not grow up being a boy that is spoiled rotten and can’t do for himself. You know the kind……the ones where the moms think that their sons are their boyfriends. Or the moms who think no women is good for their sweet precious boy. I am not that mother!

My husband was raised by a single mom and he lacked a lot of things like opening the doors for me. It’s something that either men have or they don’t. My husband never opened the doors for me and I use to get on him about it but I realized that when they aren’t raised that way it’s hard for them to act on things that we want them to do. As women we have to take in account that some of our men aren’t raised with the standards we want. We have to meet them where they are and that’s hard to do when we want what we want. One of the things that I teach my son to do is to open doors for ladies. I make him open the door for me and he has practiced that since he was about 6 years old. He is now 11 and he opens the door all the time. He does it because I taught him and he gets extra points with the ladies when he does. Everyone always tells me that he is a sweet young man and that I taught him well. Yassss I take full credit for that.

Next I wanna teach my son how to cook. He has to know basic skills when it comes to feeding himself. He knows that mom can cook but once he gets put out (age 18 but he can stay til 21….after 21…I don’t know where he is going but he can’t stay with me) he will have to know how to not burn down my home. I let him cook for the first time last year. He made oatmeal….forgot to put the water in the oatmeal. I was thankfully sleeping on the couch and next thing I know my smoke alarms were going off and my microwave had smoke coming from it….I got up in a state of confusion because first of all he didn’t ask me to cook anything and second of all why is there smoke coming from the microwave and the boy was just sitting at the counter on his cell phone…like was I dreaming or did he not see the smoke. I rushed to the mircrowave and took out the burnt oatmeal….he finally got up and said oh mom I tried to cook myself something how did I do. Oh I don’t know…let me check my burnt smelling house. Why didn’t you put the water in the oatmeal…he said he thought that you cook it first then put the water………OMG. After that I had to teach him some basics about cooking. He is not allowed to touch my microwave or any electrical devices anymore without an adult home. After a year of teaching him how to cook basics he can now fix grilled cheese, salmon, and eggo waffles on his own. I think he knows enough to get by….he still can’t quite get a handle on that oatmeal though……I do teach him how to grate cheese and stuff as long as he doesn’t eat it in the process

So after he cooks he has to learn how to wash dishes…by hand. My kids are spoiled because we have a dishwasher. I do not put up the dishes out of the dishwasher that’s their job. I normally give it to my son to do because my daughter is still kind of short and can’t reach things. Over the past couple of months I have had him actually learning how to wash dishes by hand because what if his diswasher breaks and he has to wash stuff and he is a broke boy who has no income living with other roomates…he gotta learn how to wash them up. I had him washing my pots and some forks and spoons. He acted like he didn’t want to touch the sponge saying it was nasty…..so were those diapers I changed when you were little but did I leave them on you….no I went in with a cover on my nose and changed you and you still peed in my face….but that’s besides the point….wash the damn dishes

Other things I am teaching him to do…

  • Take the trash out which he has to do on trash night for the next morning and he has to take the trash can back up the hill to the back of the house
  • Sweep out the garage every Sunday. My hubs use to do that and I want him to carry on the tradition
  • Make up his bed. Look I hate making up my own bed but it teaches him something….what that something is I don’t know but he needs to learn it lol
  • Vacuum. Not only his room but all rooms
  • Sweep and mop the kitchen. This is actually his chore every single night. My daughter does morning time cleanup and he is responsible for closing the night out
  • Folding clothes…..he doesn’t do a good job but he will work at it and learn how to at least manage to fold
  • Respect women. He will not put his hands on any women I don’t care what they do to him. Tell me or a teacher and when he gets older learn how to walk away

One of the things I am learning how to let him do is figure things out on his own. I bought a humidifier for his room and I gave him the box and the directions. I told him to figure it out. I didn’t help him nor did I sit and see what he did. He has to learn how to do things on his own first before I jump in and try to save the day. There are a lot of men who don’t know how to fix simple stuff and my son won’t be that man. Sometimes he cries and wants to give up but I tell him to find it on youtube or read the directions. Nothing is to hard if you can figure out how to play video games and learn how to operate a computer. I make sure that my son hangs around men as much as he can. Men I can trust who will teach him good stuff. He has already had the birds and the bees convo with one of my hubs friends so he is good to go in that department. I didn’t ask what they talked about nor do I care to know because I trust that he told him about it in the man way. My son needs to be around strong men and I am still looking for a few good men to take him under their wings until I do I will do my best. I will also make sure my son goes to sporting events and involve him in boy activities for him to learn and grow.

Are you raising a male on your own? Any tips to give me? I am doing an okay job I hope lol

 

 

  • Reply
    robin rue
    October 16, 2017 at 12:09 pm

    My oldest is 13 and he loves to cook! There are nights where he makes whole meals, so definitely teach that to your son. It’s a great skill.

  • Reply
    Amber Myers
    October 16, 2017 at 12:28 pm

    I love this! I wish my son liked to cook. I have showed up, but he just does not care. He’s all, “I’ll just eat sandwiches if I have to.” Ugh. I guess I can’t say much as I hate to cook too. I make basic stuff. I have taught him to clean though! I think that’s important.

  • Reply
    Terri
    October 16, 2017 at 1:54 pm

    I really enjoyed reading this. My son is only 1 but you’ve given me a lot of ideas. He can barely talk but right now we are working on manners and getting him to attempt to say thank you. I also want him to have a sense of charity, I take him with me every time I donate items to shelters.

    As for the oatmeal bit – that truly made me laugh. I’m banned from making oatmeal in my house. I either put too much water or not enough. I just can’t master it so I can totally relate to your son’s dilemma. Mind you other than oatmeal I do all the cooking in the house pretty well from grilled salmon to some good ole Trini curry. But I’m always defeated by oatmeal.

  • Reply
    Sarah Bailey
    October 16, 2017 at 2:15 pm

    Aww it sounds like you are really helping your son get ready for adulthood, I had a bad time in my teens when I should have been learning a lot of cooking etc I was in hospital, I wish I had had time to learn more.

  • Reply
    candy
    October 16, 2017 at 2:43 pm

    I always let my kids in the kitchen when I was baking or cooking. Hard being a single mom in any situation. Looks like you are doing a wonderful job raising your son.

  • Reply
    Heather @ Kraus House Mom
    October 16, 2017 at 3:46 pm

    It sounds like you’re doing a great job. I’ve known guys raised by two parents that have no skills what so ever. I believe it all has to do with your beliefs and not doing everything for them. As for the obliviousness, my husbands says that’s typical and it’s going to keep happening (I’m not thrilled about that…trust me). I make my kids take out the garbage, empty the dishwasher, clean their bathroom and put their clothes away.

  • Reply
    Lisa Marie Heath
    October 16, 2017 at 4:05 pm

    I’m a single mom with a little boy as well, and it is tough. There are questions he asks me that I simply cannot answer because I don’t know. I did teach him about opening doors and to cook the basics for now.

  • Reply
    Jeanette
    October 16, 2017 at 4:09 pm

    You’re doing an awesome job. Just know your son loves you and that you were doing everything you can for him. I am right there with you when it comes to teaching my child how to cook. He needs to know how to do it and so we have started with something small like mac & cheese and we are going to work our way up.

  • Reply
    Lisa
    October 16, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    You are doing an amazing job. I’m always in awe of single mothers, I’m not sure how you do it all.

  • Reply
    Anosa
    October 16, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    I think as much as mothers will nature and help their children growth into responsible adults there are some things that we learn from our fathers too

  • Reply
    Lia World Traveler
    October 16, 2017 at 8:24 pm

    Great pics, your son is a cutie! Also great life lessons. I always think the ideal is two parents but that’t not always possible … so when that can’t be the case an engaged, loving, and thoughtful parent is the best thing!

  • Reply
    Janelle
    October 16, 2017 at 10:24 pm

    My GOSH!!! Can I just hug you Kita? You make me wanna cry. WOW! I had no idea and YOU DESERVE all the credit for a job well done with your son. I know and I agree with you that we “women” cannot raise a boy to be a man, but we can teach them how to be gentlemen though and they will forever grow up and know how to treat a woman. MISS U! xo

  • Reply
    Mimi Green
    October 16, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    Good for you, every summer I try to teach my son something new. He has been ironing his own clothes for a few years now. He can do his own laundry and clean the bathroom, his room and vacuum the house and mop the kitchen.

    He uses the toaster, the microwave and can heat food up in the oven. He can make grill cheese and quesadillas on the stove. I need to teach him to hand wash dishes, that is a good one.

  • Reply
    Jenn @ EngineerMommy
    October 16, 2017 at 11:56 pm

    This is such a beautiful post. I enjoyed this post a lot. I don’t have any sons, but this was a moving post. I love that your kid loves to cook!!

  • Reply
    Liz Mays
    October 17, 2017 at 1:59 am

    These lessons will help so much as he starts to become more independent. It’s definitely good that you’re thinking about all the things you want to teach him!

  • Reply
    Lori Vachon
    October 17, 2017 at 2:12 am

    You are setting your son up to be a successful young man! Life skills will take him far, and will definitely help him be a good person!

  • Reply
    Sapphire Kharyzma
    October 17, 2017 at 2:34 am

    What a truly handsome king! I know, from reading your posts, that your son is going to do so many amazing things. He has a great and strong leader paving his way and that my dear, is truly priceless!

  • Reply
    Dominique
    October 17, 2017 at 2:58 am

    “Oh I don’t know. Let me check my burnt smelling house.” Girl – you crack me up. Another fun read. I think you’ll have a really nice young man soon! Doing everything right!

  • Reply
    Dogvills
    October 17, 2017 at 12:58 pm

    My sons are equipped with life skills and I know they can make it in life when they leave the nest. The only thing they need to work on is how to properly fold the clothes!

  • Reply
    Sandy N Vyjay
    October 17, 2017 at 1:35 pm

    It is so admirable, the way you are bringing up your son. He will develop into a well rounded personality and a great human being..

  • Reply
    Tiffany H.
    October 17, 2017 at 10:36 pm

    I do agree that although you are teaching him to do things and it sounds like you are an amazing job, you are correct you can not teach him hoe to be a man. I think you are on the right track and having him with male role models is an excellent idea. I like the fact you are teaching how to cook, you wont always be there and neither will his significant other or friends. I would want to know what he talked in regards to the birds and the bees because you can still provide information from a women’s perspective.

  • Reply
    Leigh Anne Borders
    October 18, 2017 at 3:21 am

    I enjoyed reading this. There was a time when I was single and had to raise two boys. I know exactly how you felt. It looks like you were doing an amazing job preparing him.

  • Reply
    Lynn Woods
    October 18, 2017 at 12:12 pm

    Looks like he’s going t turn out to be a great young man. He’s lucky to have a Mom who is teaching him and preparing him early for adulthood!

  • Reply
    Candice
    October 18, 2017 at 1:06 pm

    Sis Yes!!! This is my main goal as a mama. You are doing a great job with your son! This year I have been on a plan to get my son started on the right path with a chore list. Right now he has things on his list like load and unload the dishwasher. A few days a week he has to take the clothes out of the dryer, clean the living room and clean his bathroom (because I’m not doing that…boys can be yuck!). He’s also responsible for emptying his trash can in his room. So far, he’s not as consistent as I’d like him to be, but it’s a big difference from last year.

  • Reply
    Zuqueta
    October 19, 2017 at 12:32 am

    My son is 18 and can pretty much run the house if my husband and I have to leave the little ones with him for a few days. He has to be reminded of certain things that I just did when I was his age, but I think that’s the difference between boys and girls. I love the fact that you really thought about what he needs to know and made it more intentional.

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