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It's Life

It’s time to let that relationship go

August 14, 2017

Everyone is calling me these days to ask me my advice on how to keep their marriage going. I don’t know …..do I have a sign on my head that says I’m the relationship expert? It seems that way. Friends are calling me asking me what I regretted in my marriage, picking my brain to see what suggestions I can offer them. People wanna know….how do I know it’s time to let my relationship go or how do I keep my relationship alive. I guess you would have to know my story to understand why everyone is coming to me. My marriage was….hard…..there are things I could have done better and things I shouldn’t have done at all. When the hubs died I had a lot of time to reflect on some of the mistakes I made and I regret a lot of things…not just a few things but a lot. My marriage wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t all good either. We had more bad times than good but it taught me a lesson…..one that I will share in the future for right now….the main thing people are asking me is how do I let my relationship go without hurting anyone. When do you know it’s time to move on? Here is some of what I have learned….(I am not an expert in relationships this is just some advice I can give after being married for 10 years and seeing what not to put up with and what you can put up with)

 When it’s affecting everyday life – You should not have headaches and be stressed out every single day of your life when you are with someone. If you are stressed out…..it’s time to make some changes. Talk to your significant other and find a way to compromise on things or talk without yelling. Marriage should not be stressful. If your wife or husband is stressing you out about bills, household things, problems that other people are having sit down and say look this is a stress free environment. If you use to do things that made you happy and now you no longer do them because someone is stressing you out….it may be time to let that relationship go. Talk about what’s stressing you and go to counseling if you need to but if things don’t change and your partner doesn’t feel the need to listen to you about what’s bringing you down….then leave

When you start questioning things – Do you really love me? Why are we married again? What do you love about me? Let me see your phone….now I am not a person that snoops but trust me when your gut tells you something is up…trust your gut. If you have to question your husbands whereabouts that tells me you don’t trust him…without trust you don’t have a relationship. If you have to ask him if he loves you to me that’s a sign that something is causing doubt in your mind. Address it! Nothing is wrong if two people fall out of love or find themselves on different paths in life. That’s call change and some folks can’t grow with us no matter how much we love them or want them to. If you are starting to question things then take a look at those questions address them with your partner and see if you can answer the questions without leaving anything to doubt.  If you find yourself regularly visiting the idea of life without this person, it’s time to be honest. Maybe you feel bad because you can’t truly explain why this persistent thought pops up in your head that’s understandable and you can always address those feelings with your partner

When you don’t see a future together or not growing together – You have to grow together or you will grow apart! Do I need to repeat that? If you are married to someone and you start off living in an apartment and you are still bouncing from apartment to apartment 6 years later without a steady job, stream of income, or plans for how you will own a home….it’s time to really sit down and figure out if this relationship is for you. Growth is important in any relationship if we aren’t growing towards a bigger and better future then what are we doing. Why are we together? (goes back to the one above….remember questioning things) If we have been together for 3 years and I ask you what do you see for our future and you give me a nonchalant answer…I will be kinda pissed and start to question if I need to leave now or give you a few weeks because I want to grow.

When you can’t forgive them – This is a big one. Whatever someone does in your relationship cheating, not being there for something important, saying something that hurts you, etc. You have to forgive them or move on. Sometimes it’s hard to forgive them while still living in the same house. It’s ok to take a break for a min. and focus on forgiveness for yourself and for the one you love. You have to learn how to forgive or learn how to leave gracefully. Holding on to whatever that person did and creating an atmosphere of harshness can create hell for your relationship (trust me I lived in it for a long time) Forgiveness takes strength, and sometimes the feeling of betrayal completely overshadows our ability to forgive.

Relationships are hard. Start with being friends first it’s vital that the two of you are best friends because that friendship will sustain you going forward. There is nothing like being married to your best friend whom you can talk to about anything. If your partner is not your best friend…..you need to rethink some things.

What can you add to the list? When do you know it’s time to let that relationship go?

  • Reply
    Tia
    August 14, 2017 at 12:25 pm

    I am not married but these tips are useful for any relationship. I have had to learn to let unhealthy relationships go regardless of potential and hope for change. When I am feeling unloved and unhappy, it is time to go.

  • Reply
    Jay Colby
    August 14, 2017 at 12:46 pm

    Great article. Another reason you would know its time to leave a relationship is when your partner brings up something their interested in or passionate about and you become uninterested and irritated every time.

  • Reply
    Sheena Steward
    August 14, 2017 at 12:51 pm

    I like that you let it be known toy weren’t a relationship expert but just talking about your experiences. Good advice!

  • Reply
    Jeanette
    August 14, 2017 at 1:46 pm

    I think trust is a big one in a relationship and if you don’t have that then you really don’t have a relationship at all. I think you have a lot of great points here and I think if you can’t trust the other person then it is time to go.

  • Reply
    Tomi C
    August 14, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    It can be difficult to know when to let go. Some are so bent on STAYING in a relationship that they subject themselves to crappy behavior from their partner again and again. For me it’s all about realizing relationships require work. You have to invest yourself and your time into the relationship for it to flourish.

  • Reply
    lisa
    August 14, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    My husband and I have both been married before. We know what didn’t work before and now we are older and know how to make our relationship work.

  • Reply
    Sarah Bailey
    August 14, 2017 at 3:39 pm

    I think sometimes it is hard to let go to something that you are so used to, but these are all perfect points about when it is time to let someone go.

  • Reply
    candy
    August 14, 2017 at 3:43 pm

    How sad that so many people you know are wanting to know how to let go. Sometime people just let go to fast and don’t even try. Throw a way society. Other times they do need to get out of a bad relationship.

  • Reply
    Bren Lee | Designs by Virtual Bren
    August 14, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    Amen to that, Kita! Taking the first step is the hardest. Realizing you deserve better and going for it, is the second. God bless, gf.

  • Reply
    Paula Bendfeldt Diaz
    August 14, 2017 at 5:15 pm

    These are all really great points. Communication is a big one for me, if you can’t talk with your significant other, if you can’t communicate with him or her on things that are important then it’s difficult to grow together or to resolve any issues and it’s time to change something or let it go.

  • Reply
    valmg @ Mom Knows It All
    August 14, 2017 at 5:27 pm

    I don’t believe an outsider can tell a couple when it’s time to give up. I believe a couple has to put in the work and make efforts to make it work or identify if it won’t any longer.

  • Reply
    Jenny Finney
    August 14, 2017 at 5:50 pm

    Wow…You’ve touched on a lot of things here and every one of these are VERY IMPORTANT! Sorry to hear that you had to go through a lot of this and there are many things, a lot of us regret, when it’s too late. Great article.

  • Reply
    Kim
    August 14, 2017 at 9:13 pm

    When you are putting in more to the relationship and they don’t respond, usually a sign that it is over

  • Reply
    Pam Wattenbarger
    August 14, 2017 at 10:43 pm

    Although I believe a lot of relationships could be worked out, it is definitely not possible to save every relationship. The important thing is deciding which ones need more effort and which ones need to be scrapped.

  • Reply
    Kristin
    August 15, 2017 at 12:34 am

    Growing apart is a big one. But it definitely takes maturity to realize when you are no longer walking together, but in opposite directions. I have experienced this and it is very difficult, but I realized once we parted ways, my life started to go a different direction, for the better. I began to fulfill my goals that I was stifling because we weren’t on the same page.

  • Reply
    Liz Mays
    August 15, 2017 at 1:26 am

    It’s definitely important to consider all of these things when reassessing your relationship. Both committing and breaking up can be big moves!

  • Reply
    Catvills
    August 15, 2017 at 4:30 am

    A marriage is a commitment, a vow made between two persons. The success or failure of that relationship is the sole responsibility of husband and wife. I always believe that putting God in the center of your relationship will make it stronger. My marriage is not at all perfect. We disagree, we agree, we get on each other’s nerves. But we never let the sun set upon our misunderstandings.

  • Reply
    Olivia
    August 15, 2017 at 6:04 am

    Entering year 2 of my relationship. We are loosely discussing marriage in that we know we want to do it. No set time or place. This list was good for me. It gave me many things to think about and possibly address before marriage. I’m slightly scared to marry and give up my freedom. Maybe just cold feet. Thanks for sharing your story!

  • Reply
    sara
    August 15, 2017 at 11:35 am

    It is time to let a relationship go when it is damaging your life. Many people hang on way too long and then the damage is done. Sometimes it takes someone else to help you realize it is time to break it off.

  • Reply
    Jenn @ EngineerMommy
    August 15, 2017 at 2:19 pm

    Trust and respect are so important in a relationship. It can be difficult at times, and it definitely takes work, but maintaining a great relationship is so worthwhile.

  • Reply
    Sandy N Vyjay
    August 15, 2017 at 3:29 pm

    Nice article indeed. Relationships are what we make of them. Being transparent and being clear on expectations is very important.

  • Reply
    adriana
    August 15, 2017 at 5:57 pm

    Such a great read. It’s so important to realize the “why” in relationships, and always remember to do things that make you happy. It isn’t easy to let go or to have something change in your life that you’re so used to, but sometimes it’s definitely for the better. Great take on this!

  • Reply
    Lauren
    August 15, 2017 at 8:13 pm

    These all held true for my last relationship. I’m so glad I saw that before taking any vows.

  • Reply
    Mimi Green
    August 15, 2017 at 9:31 pm

    If I can’t be myself, then it is time to let the relationship go. If I have to change who I am, to dim my light, or be less perky then I’ve got to move on.

  • Reply
    Jenny
    August 15, 2017 at 10:37 pm

    This is great advice. I think learning when it’s time to leave a relationship is so tough. Especially when it comes to friendships and marriages.

  • Reply
    Bernetta
    August 16, 2017 at 12:35 am

    Great read. I believe its time to let things go when you can’t stand the little things anymore. Like hearing them chew makes you cringe! LOL

  • Reply
    Tryphena Wade
    August 16, 2017 at 3:57 am

    These are definitely useful tips for couples, especially pre-marriage. I’d say that if these things are popping up in your marriage, there were signs before the “I do’s”. They’re also really great for friendships too. You shouldn’t leave your friend’s presence feeling drained. Whew! That’s the worst!

  • Reply
    Kiwi
    August 16, 2017 at 4:37 am

    I think there are always red flags in relationships that need to end. Many of your sightings are true but its ultimately an intution and if you have to keep questioning you intution and you keep getting sign after sign after sign with no solution its time to let it go.

  • Reply
    Tonia
    August 16, 2017 at 9:22 am

    Relationships are not easy that’s for sure. They take work…a lot of work. Marriage is even harder. The most important part of my marriage is my relationship with God and my husband’s as well. Without putting Him first, we are destined to fail at staying together.

  • Reply
    Toiia L. Rukuni
    August 16, 2017 at 11:49 am

    This is a beautiful and heartfelt article with awesome tips. I totally agree that a marriage should not be stressful and that proper communication is necessary in a marriage.

  • Reply
    Joyce Brewer
    August 16, 2017 at 1:17 pm

    I’m glad people are asking for your insight. You keep it real.
    Marriage is really challenging. We’re only 8 years in and it takes daily dedication to stay together.

  • Reply
    Lalie
    August 16, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    Great post! I’ve never been married but seeing my mom and dad divorce I saw a lot of signs that it wasn’t gonna work out and trust was a big thing. Loyalty was another huge thing with them too.

  • Reply
    Protective Equipment Cases
    August 31, 2017 at 12:07 am

    Enormously enjoyed this article :), keep up the great authorship and I’ll keep coming back for more.
    Will be sharing this with my facebook followers and I’m sure they’ll love
    it as well!

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