I went to go see Bad Moms 2 the other day and it was amazing. More about the movie later but….I wanted to make a confession today. I, Kita Bryant, am a bad mom. Let me tell you why…..
My kids are 11 and 8 and I thought for sure they would know that there is no Santa by now. I was thinking that someone should have told them. Their friends don’t talk? I felt that my 11 year old would know and maybe he kept it from my daughter to spear her. I was tired of pretending so I went on and let them know last week that there was no Santa….I’m Santa. My son was more devastated than the girl….I was shocked! I had to tell them though. My daughter said…Mom, you dream killer you have ruined Christmas forever (she is dramatic). My son said…but mom how did you get the gifts from one state to the other last year because I didn’t see any gifts in our luggage (we went out of town for Christmas last year and I hid them good) He had a lot of questions….
Mom How did you mail the letters off to Santa and how did we get mail back from Santa (Son your dad worked at the post office he worked miracles)
Santa got us something we wanted but didn’t tell you about (I know how to listen in on conversations with friends)
They asked about 5 more questions and then I had enough…..
My Gawd I can’t with the questions gotdammit. Just know that there is no Santa and please don’t tell your friends who believe.
Does it make me a bad mother that I went on and told them….I thought so. I found out when I was 8 and got up in the middle of the night to use the potty and saw my mom wrapping gifts. I stood on the steps and saw her in the kitchen and told my mom you liar….you lied to me. My mom said chile bye take your ass back to bed before nothing is under this tree. Those were her exact words! So what else makes me a bad mom……..
I throw away crafts……Look I don’t have time for all the crafts my daughter brings in this house. I love them and thinks she does a good job but I can’t keep them. I tell her to pick one I will let it stay on my fridge for a week and then it has to go on a weekly basis. I am not a hoarder and I can’t keep all these coloring pages and endless amounts of stuff around my office.
I take all of the electronics away for the weekend if they fail 2 grades……so we have a rule around here. I don’t accept anything less than a C…I prefer A’s and B’s but I will take a C. The rules are if you fail something that week you get shut down on Friday. So anything below a C….you can’t use any electronics on that Friday. If you get another failing grade that week you are shut down for the entire weekend. My kids thinks that this is the meanest thing to do. I feel like it’s the best thing to do. I am a stickler for grades and I don’t want it slipping away. Electronics are a privilege and if you want to use my electricity and things I pay for I need something in return. It’s almost like the government….you know how they just take taxes. I just take privileges….and sing while I am carrying things in my room and putting them in locked boxes. I mean I do give them a chance to only fail one grade……I’m still being kind of nice
We only eat desserts on the weekend…my son and I are fat as hell. Yes I said it. He is 11 and weighs over 100lbs it’s my fault because I keep snacks and goodies around my house which he goes and steals all the time. I have decided to put a cap on us (myself included) to only eat dessert on the weekend. Friday – Sunday is the only day we can eat something sweet. Weekdays….no sweets at all. The first week I cried at my rules because the oreos were just staring at me but I didn’t give in (ok I lied I had 2 or 3). I am trying but I refuse to break anymore.
I make them sign up for things they don’t want to sign up for…..like Kumon, Dance, etc. Kumon is to help keep that brain active and I know my son hates it but I love it. Just think how much smarter you will be if you are in things that keep your brain youthful and make you think beyond video games. My daughter didn’t want to do Dance at first but she finally got with the program and now she loves it. She says its hard but guess what so is life…..get use to it. I’m a bad mom that I want my children well rounded in things. I know they might not like it but at least do it for a year, learn how to network and make new friends, and learn something new.
I make them fold clothes and clean their rooms…..this is probably the worse thing I can do as a mom. My son even told me….Mom you are so mean to make us clean up our rooms and make our beds…you don’t even make your bed up. You damn right I don’t but guess what….I’m the adult I don’t have to do it (and then I stuck my tongue out and acted petty). You will make your bed every morning…it teaches you something. I don’t know what it teaches you so don’t ask but you will do it because I said so. I know I’m suppose to lead by example but eff that. You do as I say do, not as I do….SHAT.
Other things that make me a bad mom
- I don’t share stuff that I like with them, I hide them all the time
- I don’t buy them fancy shoes like Jordans because Jordans are expensive and you are a child that outgrows your shoes every few months
- I give them nasty meds because I don’t want them to get sick and they must take castor oil every now and then
- I make them clean my kitchen every single day (one does mornings the other does nights)
- They have to fetch me the remote which is normally within a feet of me because I’m to lazy to get up
Now let’s talk about this movie! I loved the first Bad moms and this one was even funnier. I had tears coming out of my eyes….like real tears. I have never laughed so much in my life. My favorite part was probably the dancing part, or maybe it was the grandma always giving the kids gifts, or was it the scene at the mall where they stole a Christmas tree, it was probably the part where the moms were in church cussing lol. You gotta go see this movie!
The moms need their own movie after this because OMG. Make sure you go see it on November 1st. It’s a must see and go see it with your mom if she isn’t alive make it a girls night out.
I was given tickets to see the movie before it came out. All opinions are my own.