A girl growing up without a father – celebrating events still matters.

As many of you know my husband died a few years ago. As my kids get older I am finding it hard to hold back the emotions of them not being able to share special moments with their dad. Case in point my daughter went to her annual daddy and daughter dance with her uncle but at the end of the day, this is not her dad. I also hate asking other people to step into that role when they have a family of their own. First, it’s the daddy-daughter dance, next it will be prom, then it will be her graduation, then her wedding and her father won’t be there. But celebrating events with a girl growing up without a father still matters.

I know firsthand what it’s like when your father isn’t there

I grew up without a father. My mom and dad got divorced when I was around 6 years old (he cheated and had a baby my mother wasn’t having it)  He left without a trace and I didn’t see him again until I was 20 years old. He popped back up because his mom told him to find out where I was. I live in a small town I am sure it wasn’t that hard to figure out what I was up to but anywhoo growing up without a father was normal among me and my friends. My friends didn’t have dads and neither did I so we never talked about it. I didn’t see how much a father mattered until I came to college and saw so many dads on campus with their kids. I was kind of in shock…I never saw so many dads at one time attending an event. I didn’t have a daddy-daughter dance growing up so I didn’t really need my dad until my wedding day. Out of respect for my dad who did pop back up and tried his best to build a relationship (it was kind of fake) I decided to ask him to walk me down the aisle. He did so but that’s about the extent of what he did as a father.

How do you handle dances without a dad?

My daughters first daddy-daughter dance without her dad was last year. We opted not to go the year my husband died. My daughter attended the dances with her dad every year and that year it didn’t feel right to attend without him so we sat out. Last year my daughter begged me to ask someone to take her. We don’t have any men around for me to just ask so I felt uncomfortable asking her dads best friends. All of them have families of their own with daughters of their own so I didn’t want to be a bother. I also know how that can look to their daughters that their dad is taking another girl to a dance and they don’t get to go one. I did not want to ask but my daughter asked her uncle without me knowing and the rest was history. He took her last year and again this year. This year my hubs friend brought his daughter along to experience the dance. I thought that was awesome and so they went off to the dance and I heard that they had a great time. I don’t want my daughter to continue to bother others though so here is how we may handle dances in the future without a dad.

• I say she doesn’t go. I think she will be alright and I can take that day to have someone on one time with her just her and I
• Maybe have her brother take her. He is in middle school and that would be awesome. She also has an older cousin that is around 20 that can take her to the dance. He doesn’t have any kids and I am sure he won’t mind for a couple of hours
• Ask my uncle to take her. My uncle doesn’t have any little girls and he would love the chance to come to Atlanta for the day and take her. I know he would love it and since his wife has passed (miss my aunty emma) he would love to do this for her.
• Explain to my daughter that it’s not okay to bother others and let her know that life isn’t fair because it’s not. I don’t sugar coat anything around here. I know it’s not fair that other little girls have their father and she doesn’t so I will allow her to have that moment and cry with her

How will she handle prom without her dad?

I am kind of glad her dad won’t be here during her prom time because someone might die…like literally he would have had his gun ready. For prom night I will make sure it’s extra special for her with just our little family. Making sure she knows that she is beautiful and that her dad is going right along with her to prom in spirit. I hope that by the time she reaches that age she will understand that even though her father isn’t here physically he is always with her in spirit.

Wedding day

Her wedding day is when I think she will feel it the most. It’s the one time the dad gets some attention walking his daughter down the aisle. This is a day that I dread for her because I know it will be hard on that day. If your daughter doesn’t have a dad on her wedding day here is what you can do

• Ask a trusted friend to walk her down the aisle
• I will probably ask her brother to do the honors of walking her down the aisle if we have no father figure in her life
• I will walk her down the aisle. Many moms have to step up and walk their daughters down the aisle because the father isn’t there
• She can walk down the aisle alone and maybe wear something on her that belongs to her dad or has some significant memory for her that reminds her of her father

All of these events matter and it especially matters to girls because their dads are their first love, their first dance partners, their first introductions to how men are supposed to be. I pray often that she finds a trusted father figure for her life that can teach her what a man is supposed to do and not do. I have always wanted that for me but unfortunately, I had no one to step up to the plate and not having a father in my life affected me in many ways (I will talk about that closer to fathers day).

I hope my daughter had a blast on her father and daughter dance night. She was beautiful that night along with her friend.  Her dress came from JCPenney and so did her earrings.

I had a hard time picking out her dress because I didn’t want anyone to wear her dress so that they could have a battle of who wore it best ….of course, my daughter would win hands down! I always keep a simple earring in her ear but this time I decided to change things up with a pretty cross earring that she actually got in her Easter basket.

If you were a girl growing up without a father how did that affect important events in your life? P.S I have tried the boys and girls club in my area but their waiting list has over 300 people signed up for it….smh.

I was given the dress and earrings in exchange for my review. All opinions are my own!