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tip tuesday

8 Tips for Dating After a Failed Relationship

February 14, 2017

Oh boy, relationships. That word comes with a lot of heavy emotions for some. I think the majority of us have gone through at least one (if not multiple) failed relationships. Not all failed relationships are bad ones that leave scars but there’s a good majority that definitely do. The hardest part about any relationship ending is the will to get back out there. It can be overwhelming to start over, even if the relationship wasn’t very long. However, the quicker you can get yourself out there, the quicker you can move on from the feeling of rejection, hopelessness, fear of failure, etc. I’ve been through it all so, here are a few tips I learned along the way.

 

  1. Don’t settle – I’m going to go ahead and state this now. If you’ve been through a few relationships, it can be easy to fall into the lie that the right one will never come along. This eventually ends up in us settling for whatever we can get and keep. Nope, that’s not healthy and you will be miserable. Keep your patience in check, it’s worth it, trust me.
  2. Don’t be trashy – You’re not going to find the right one by dressing like a hooker going to clubs every night. All you’re going to attract are the garbage guys wanting a one-night stand. You and I both know that’s not what you want—you want commitment so dress and act like that’s what you want. Guys, this goes for you too. Clubs are not a dating service, they’re a sex service.
  3. Get rid of all contact with your exes – Unless you have a child with one of them to where you need to stay connected for obvious matters, cut them off 100%. There is no reason you need to keep in contact with them. All it will do is give you an inkling of hope that maybe they’re an option down the road. They’re an ex for a reason. If they end up popping back up again a few years down the road, who knows, maybe it was meant to be, but until then, don’t let a quick text be the way he jumps back up again just for things to implode a second time. Plus, you’re trying to move on, keeping them as an option in your phone doesn’t give you the finality you need to feel.
  4. Forget the pity party – Yep, I’ve been there too but all it does is make things worse and drag on. Failed relationships happen to everyone, you’re not some singled out unlucky person, it just happens and is called life. Allow yourself a couple of weeks to refresh and let the rebound fall off and then shrug your shoulders, pull up your britches, and get out there.
  5. Don’t talk about your past relationships – If you’ve found somebody new, don’t talk about negative things, especially your past relationships. That’s the past, this is now, be focused on the present and positive. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer and nobody likes to hear about their new found interest talking about the other people they’ve been with. It’s awkward, stop it.
  6. Slow down – Relationships these days rarely last because people are all in quickly which makes it boring just as fast. You don’t need to make it to second base on the first date and you don’t need to offer up your life’s story within a week of knowing the person. Slowly learning the details of a person is what keeps interest alive and slowly growing. Let the first kiss be a few dates down the road without forcing it and the moment will be memorable and magical. Don’t talk and text every single day. Give each other breathing room even if you have the strongest desire to always be communicating, don’t, it burns things quickly. Slow and steady wins the race.
  7. Go for the good guy – It’s common for people to be attracted to the opposite sex when they’re rebels. It comes across as daring and exciting but in the end, it rarely works out. X-Men had the perfect quote when they said, “Girls flirt with the dangerous guy but they marry the good guy.” Dangerous people don’t offer commitment. Sure, they seem exciting in their rebellion, but they are going to offer you everything you need and want. Long term, steady, supportive, etc. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that’s’ not what you want because in the end, everyone finds out that’s exactly what they want.
  8. Don’t’ search online – Another reason relationships are shaky these days is because everything is so impersonal. Meeting online has worked out for some but just isn’t the best or safest way to go about things. It’s very hit or miss with mostly awkward misses. Go out with friends, go to church gatherings, hit up local events with the community, etc. These are all great ways to meet and mingle with real people and on a safe level.

  • Reply
    Stacie @ Divine Lifestyle
    February 17, 2017 at 12:35 pm

    This is such great information. Reading this post makes me so happy that one of the first guys I ever dated seriously ended up being my husband. I got off easy!

  • Reply
    Colleen Lanin
    February 17, 2017 at 12:40 pm

    This is something that everyone who’s come out of a bad relationship should bookmark. One of the hardest things to do is to NOT bring your baggage into your new relationship.

  • Reply
    Rosey
    February 17, 2017 at 1:15 pm

    It’s wonderful that you have written this up, especially this time of year. Here’s to finding the RIGHT one, for those who aresearching.:)

  • Reply
    Amanda Love
    February 17, 2017 at 3:44 pm

    I am with you 100% on this one. Failed relationships aren’t all bad, they’re meant to teach us lessons and make us grow as s perdon. This post is such a good reminder for all of us.

  • Reply
    Kelly Hutchinson
    February 17, 2017 at 7:32 pm

    After reading this post, it reminds me I am glad to be off the market. I would be afraid to look for love on the internet.

  • Reply
    Pam Wattenbarger
    February 17, 2017 at 8:07 pm

    It can be hard to get back on the market after a relationship goes sour. Thanks for sharing these tips for people in that situation.

  • Reply
    Brandy
    February 17, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    These really are great tips, I am sure I failed at some of those through my days of being single and dealing with many failed relationships. I am glad that the experience we have in making such mistakes help us to be better partners for our long-term partner we find eventually 🙂

  • Reply
    Liz Mays
    February 18, 2017 at 12:50 am

    It’s definitely difficult to readjust to dating after a long relationship. It does help to go on multiple dates and not just settle.

  • Reply
    Myrah Duque
    February 18, 2017 at 12:50 am

    I totally understand. I had a few relationships before finally getting married and it was tough.

  • Reply
    Meagan Goepferich
    February 18, 2017 at 12:56 am

    These are some great tips. It is so important to take things slow.

  • Reply
    Theresa
    February 18, 2017 at 3:09 am

    Boy, I hope I don’t ever need these tips! I’ve been with my hubby for 20 years and have no idea how I’d start dating again. I definitely agree about everything being so impersonal these days with putting it all out there on social media first.

  • Reply
    Annemarie LeBlanc
    February 18, 2017 at 9:22 am

    Sometimes moving on is more difficult than breaking up. I think the best thing to do after a failed relationship is to pick yourself up, build your confidence again and do not rush into another relationship just to spite your ex.

  • Reply
    Toni | Boulder Locavore
    February 18, 2017 at 1:36 pm

    These are great tips! Definitely sharing this with my single friends! 😀

  • Reply
    Seattle Travel Blogger
    February 18, 2017 at 5:49 pm

    These are all good points to keep in mind.
    It appears you do come from a point of experience!

  • Reply
    Tess
    February 19, 2017 at 3:39 am

    I will keep these in mind. I have a friend who could use this now.

  • Reply
    Louise Bishop
    February 19, 2017 at 5:06 am

    What a great post. It is so sad that a lot of people need to be reminded of these tips, but that’s what love can do to people.

  • Reply
    Our Family World
    February 19, 2017 at 9:43 am

    great tips! ive been single for 4 years until a deep heartache! i wish this tips would work for me!

  • Reply
    Ann Bacciaglia
    February 19, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    It can be so hard to start dating again. Especially after being in a long term relationship. Dating has changed so much I am not sure I would know where to start.

  • Reply
    KiSheyna
    February 20, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    I guess you wrote this for me! Um #7 I am starting to think some men aren’t as good as they “say”…so women need to be careful of the good guy. As a single woman I am just being optimistic of the possibilities.

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