Oh boy, relationships. That word comes with a lot of heavy emotions for some. I think the majority of us have gone through at least one (if not multiple) failed relationships. Not all failed relationships are bad ones that leave scars but there’s a good majority that definitely do. The hardest part about any relationship ending is the will to get back out there. It can be overwhelming to start over, even if the relationship wasn’t very long. However, the quicker you can get yourself out there, the quicker you can move on from the feeling of rejection, hopelessness, fear of failure, etc. I’ve been through it all so, here are a few tips I learned along the way.
- Don’t settle – I’m going to go ahead and state this now. If you’ve been through a few relationships, it can be easy to fall into the lie that the right one will never come along. This eventually ends up in us settling for whatever we can get and keep. Nope, that’s not healthy and you will be miserable. Keep your patience in check, it’s worth it, trust me.
- Don’t be trashy – You’re not going to find the right one by dressing like a hooker going to clubs every night. All you’re going to attract are the garbage guys wanting a one-night stand. You and I both know that’s not what you want—you want commitment so dress and act like that’s what you want. Guys, this goes for you too. Clubs are not a dating service, they’re a sex service.
- Get rid of all contact with your exes – Unless you have a child with one of them to where you need to stay connected for obvious matters, cut them off 100%. There is no reason you need to keep in contact with them. All it will do is give you an inkling of hope that maybe they’re an option down the road. They’re an ex for a reason. If they end up popping back up again a few years down the road, who knows, maybe it was meant to be, but until then, don’t let a quick text be the way he jumps back up again just for things to implode a second time. Plus, you’re trying to move on, keeping them as an option in your phone doesn’t give you the finality you need to feel.
- Forget the pity party – Yep, I’ve been there too but all it does is make things worse and drag on. Failed relationships happen to everyone, you’re not some singled out unlucky person, it just happens and is called life. Allow yourself a couple of weeks to refresh and let the rebound fall off and then shrug your shoulders, pull up your britches, and get out there.
- Don’t talk about your past relationships – If you’ve found somebody new, don’t talk about negative things, especially your past relationships. That’s the past, this is now, be focused on the present and positive. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer and nobody likes to hear about their new found interest talking about the other people they’ve been with. It’s awkward, stop it.
- Slow down – Relationships these days rarely last because people are all in quickly which makes it boring just as fast. You don’t need to make it to second base on the first date and you don’t need to offer up your life’s story within a week of knowing the person. Slowly learning the details of a person is what keeps interest alive and slowly growing. Let the first kiss be a few dates down the road without forcing it and the moment will be memorable and magical. Don’t talk and text every single day. Give each other breathing room even if you have the strongest desire to always be communicating, don’t, it burns things quickly. Slow and steady wins the race.
- Go for the good guy – It’s common for people to be attracted to the opposite sex when they’re rebels. It comes across as daring and exciting but in the end, it rarely works out. X-Men had the perfect quote when they said, “Girls flirt with the dangerous guy but they marry the good guy.” Dangerous people don’t offer commitment. Sure, they seem exciting in their rebellion, but they are going to offer you everything you need and want. Long term, steady, supportive, etc. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that’s’ not what you want because in the end, everyone finds out that’s exactly what they want.
- Don’t’ search online – Another reason relationships are shaky these days is because everything is so impersonal. Meeting online has worked out for some but just isn’t the best or safest way to go about things. It’s very hit or miss with mostly awkward misses. Go out with friends, go to church gatherings, hit up local events with the community, etc. These are all great ways to meet and mingle with real people and on a safe level.