Mothers Day is tough for me and a lot of other kids who no longer have a mother. I use to hate mothers day when my mom first died. Now I make the day all about me and my children. I don’t go anywhere on that day. I don’t hang with anyone because I feel some type of way about losing a mother and hanging out with other families or people who have mothers. It hurts to see pictures of others with their mother…I won’t even front or lie on that. I use to ask why…why did you take my mom but I will never have that answer. I always say God needed someone to sew some things in heaven (my mom made clothes with her eyes closed lol). Earlier this year my second mother passed away (the lady in the picture) so I truly have no mother figure around. There are many ways to get through mother’s day without mom. Here are 5.
Do something for yourself
Always buy yourself something or take yourself out somewhere. I have never had a spa day….like never so this year I think I will take myself out for a spa. I am not waiting for anyone to do it for me. I need it and I deserve it. Doing something for yourself will help you focus on your own needs and not so much on not having your mother in your life. Your mother would want you to take care of you.
Don’t look at social media
It can become too much. If it bothers you (like it does me) don’t look at pictures taken that day. Have a social media detox and take a break. If you continue looking at pictures of mothers and daughters on your TL you will become sad and start crying because you will wish yours was here. I always take that day to get off social media so I won’t see posts as much. This helps a lot.
Write a letter to your mom
Every year I write a handwritten letter to my mom as if she was alive. I write down what I learned that year as a mother, I write down a lesson she taught me, and I tell her about a fear that I have as a mother. I fold up the letter and put it in a drawer. I don’t go back and read it I just write it..my pure and real thoughts I don’t even care if words are misspelled or things aren’t used in the right context.
Do something from your mom’s bucket list
Even if your mom didn’t have a bucket list you know some of the things she didn’t get to do. Try some of those things as if you are doing it for the first time. For example, my mom never had oysters it was something she wanted to try so I tried it out for her for the first time last mothers day….yep it was something she wanted to do so I did it for her.
Spend time with people in nursing homes or with those who have no family
Do you know a lot of people in nursing homes have no family? Some of them never had kids or their kids have died, or their kids don’t speak to them. During Mother’s day, a great way to get through your mother’s passing is by spending time with someone who doesn’t have anyone else. This is a great way to do some good and bring a smile to others even if you can barely smile yourself.
How do you handle Mother’s Day without mom or Fathers Day without Dad?
42 Comments
candy
May 11, 2018 at 12:00 pmI take flowers to mom grave and make it look pretty for her. I sit and have a conversation with her. Just sitting there brings her closer to myself. All good ideas on how to handle mother’s day with out your mom.
Joanna @ Everyday Made Fresh
May 11, 2018 at 12:20 pmThis post…I relate. My mother passed away almost 10 years ago. It’s hard. I don’t like celebrating Mother’s Day. I, like you, don’t like social media on mother’s day…all those photos. 🙁 These are good ideas. I really like the idea of writing my mother a letter! I am going to sit down and do that. I can think of so much to write.
Melissa Chapman
May 11, 2018 at 6:33 pmThat is such a nice idea and I would love to spend just a few more moments with her to tell her how much I miss her.
Amber Myers
May 11, 2018 at 12:21 pmI imagine this would be tough. I’d probably just remember the good times I did have my mother and stuff my face with chocolate or something.
Melissa Chapman
May 11, 2018 at 1:39 pmI lost my mom recently so Mother’s Day is a sad day but having my own kids and sisters helps. I love that idea of volunteering at a nursing home and spreading a little joy to those people.
Jeanette
May 11, 2018 at 2:07 pmI cannot imagine what it’s like. I still have my mom and I love her so much. Something like this has to be hard but it looks like you have some great tips to help through it.
Stacie
May 11, 2018 at 2:48 pmKita, I’m sorry about your mom and second mom passing. My dad and grandmother (who was like a mother to me) passed so I know what’ it’s like to lose a parent. I pray that you find comfort in taking time for you and doing all the things your mom would have wanted to do.
Sarah Bailey
May 11, 2018 at 5:24 pmI can’t imagine what it is like to not have a Mum around mother’s day it must be such a hard time. These sound like some great tips to help people who are in that position.
Christina Bhattacharya
May 11, 2018 at 6:57 pmI lost my mom 12 years ago and every Mother’s Day without her is bittersweet. I have my children and they celebrate me and we celebrate my mother-in-law and step mother who are still living but lives far away.
Ashley
May 11, 2018 at 8:04 pmI’m missing my grandmother right now. She raised me and Mother’s Day hasn’t been the same since she passed.
Amy
May 11, 2018 at 9:08 pmThis is really sad. It reminds me that I will be doing these things on Father’s Day as I reflect on no longer having a father.
Michelle Waller
May 11, 2018 at 10:38 pmMy grandmother passed away a few years ago and it is always tough around Mother’s Day! My children and I always use this as an opportunity to go have a picnic with my grandma.
Dr. Sheila Pope
May 11, 2018 at 11:44 pmKita,
This was a wonderful blog. I really never thought about how my mother felt on Mother’s Day. She lost her mother on the same day she gave birth to my brother. I love your suggestions. I will give more respect to others without mothers on Mother’s Day.
Pam
May 12, 2018 at 1:11 amMy mom passed away back in 2002. Mothers Day has been harder since then. I spend time with my family on Mother’s Day.
Sherry
May 12, 2018 at 2:41 amThis post really hits home with me. My mom passed away nearly 10 years ago and Mother’s Day is still hard for me. I used to buy the cards for his mother as well but now I make him do it. It’s just too hard. Our mothers even share the same birthday.
Dawn Lopez
May 12, 2018 at 2:52 amI think finding a positive way to spend this day instead of feeling miserable makes sense but I bet it’s still tough! I love the sweet ideas you listed here like writing a letter to your Mom.
Carol Cassara
May 12, 2018 at 4:06 amI honor her memory every year and try to cook her favorite recipes. It’s been some time since my mom has passed and I still miss her every single day.
Ricci
May 12, 2018 at 6:32 amYES to all of these!! I lost my Mom 17 years ago and Mother’s Day is still such a HARD reminder that she’s not here every single year.
Alison Rost
May 12, 2018 at 6:45 amIt’s a great day to honor your mother regardless if she has passed on. I think it’s important that we remember her and the lessons she left us during this day.
Allison Cooper
May 12, 2018 at 12:53 pmThese are such wonderful ideas! I can’t imagine how rough getting through this day it for you. I have a friend who recently lost her mom and I’m going to share these ideas with her -especially staying off social media. Sending you love!
Claudia Krusch
May 12, 2018 at 4:02 pmMy mom lives in Brazil, I don’t have grandmothers anymore! Loved reading your post!
Aubrey
May 12, 2018 at 6:38 pmMother’s Day after your mom has passed has got to be hard. My mom moved away a few years ago and though she isn’t stats away, she’s not close either.
Peachy @ The Peach Kitchen
May 12, 2018 at 8:17 pmI still have my mom but she is ill at the moment. I just bought her flowers the other day to wish her a Happy Mother’s day because she loves flowers.
Jeanine
May 12, 2018 at 9:08 pmLove this. I’ve been without my mother now 17 years. It’s always hard and doesn’t get easier but now that I have my kids I make the best of it!
Heather
May 13, 2018 at 12:15 amMother’s Day without my Nana is going to be hard. I love these ideas. I definitely want to write her a letter and maybe next year, if I plan better, I can visit a local nursing home.
Jodi
May 13, 2018 at 12:27 amI still have my mom, and actually, this Mother’s Day falls on her birthday! However, she fell a couple years ago and sustained a really bad concussion that she seems to have never fully recovered from. Her memory and ability to process things seem to be getting worse and worse. These all seem like great ideas. I’m sure staying off social media is really important!
janis
May 13, 2018 at 3:30 amThis is so inspirational and your tips are going to be really helpful to those who are motherless. Thankfully I still have my own mother and I have been blessed with four children who love me. Still, I always have those women who have neither in the back of my mind.
Vyjay Rao
May 13, 2018 at 7:34 amCan empathize with you completely on this as my mom too is no longer with us. You do feel a strange emptiness particularly on this day. Best way is to relive the old, pleasant memories and remember her.
Angela Milnes
May 13, 2018 at 10:49 amI am missing my Mom I never seen her for 10 years, its hard but thanks that i had my daughter with me.
Bridgid M.
May 13, 2018 at 3:51 pmWow, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost not one but 2 mothers. I can’t imagine that kind of pain. You have definitely come up with some awesome ways to deal with the holiday. I love the ideas of doing a social media detox and doing something from your mom’s bucket list. That sounds like a great way to take of yourself and keep her spirit with you. I will be keeping this in mind for Father’s Day as I just lost my dad a few months ago.
Bree
May 13, 2018 at 4:37 pmThis is a really timely and thoughtful post. I can’t imagine and I feel like this would be a good start for those who have come to peace with it – as you note at first on may hate the holiday. Will share out in case it is helpful to someone in my network.
Michelle Garrett
May 13, 2018 at 8:07 pmTheses are great reminders! I try to be mindful of my friends who I know are having a hard time on Mother’s Day and respect their feelings for the day.
Iman
May 14, 2018 at 2:57 amSo sorry for your loss… This is a great list that I know will help a lot of people out. Forwarding this to my friend right now!! Thanks for sharing!!
Joanna
May 14, 2018 at 3:29 amSo sorry for your loss. These are really cool options. I really like doing something on your mom’s bucket list. This year my mom did something for herself and went on a trip. She’s also going back home to visit her aunts and extended family. It was so weird because I always spend mother’s day with her. I went to my aunt’s house instead and had a great time being around extended family. I hope you enjoyed your spa day.
Arnitris Strong
May 14, 2018 at 3:04 pmI can only imagine how painful this day must be for you. Kudos for devising a plan to celebrate through your pain. Thank you for sharing.
Kiwi
May 15, 2018 at 12:46 amI didnt broadcast on social media as much about Mothers Day because it can be a sensitve holiday. Not just for people who lost their moms, but for people who lost their babies, who have strained relationships with their moms, moms who have strained relationship with their children, etc…so sometimes just rubbing it in that you still have your mom or your kids can trigger people. I really feel sorry for people who get triggered on this day and fathers day, I just tell people to please stay off social media. I dont think other people realize how people are still hurting in silence.
Elle (CleverlyChanging)
May 16, 2018 at 12:20 pmI love the suggestions you shared. Especially when you said do something on your bucket list. What I’ve learned most from my mom is that if you don’t spend time doing things you love, then you will regret it later.
Bianca Dottin
May 16, 2018 at 3:29 pmThese are great tips! I won’t be spending Mother’s Day with my mom this year because we live far apart. I think doing something on my bucket list is a great idea!
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Carol Baird
May 8, 2021 at 1:41 pmI lost my mom last year to COVID. I was not even there when she passed. She was all alone in the nursing home without me for 3 months. I can’t imagine what she was thinking on why I didn’t visit. She started having dementia which didn’t help. Everyone tells me that your mom lived a long life (94), that doesn’t help me. My mom lived with me after her divorce in 1985. She was my best friend and the best mom I have ever had. She was kind and thoughtful. Never thought about herself. Everyone came first. I used to lover to hear her laugh. She had a painful life with my father when he was drinking. I don’t know how she got through it. She was a punching bag. I lost my two brothers when they were young 34 and 42 yrs old. I have no more family left. My mom was my world. I am thankful though that I was able to take care of her and do whatever I could for her. I wish I could talk to her, miss that the most. She alway felt bad that she couldn’t help me when I had to put her into a nursing home because I had to work. That was the worse day of my life. I am thankful that I was able to take her home on the weekends and holidays. I wish I never took her back in March of 2020. That is when she got Covid. I am crying now every time I think about her. We went every where together. I was born on her birthday so that day does not go well for me either. All Holidays hurt every one when their loved ones are gone. She always liked Thanksgiving, she loved the way I cooked for her. She was a small person but she could eat. It made her happy. I just hope when it is my time that I get to be with her again and the rest of my family.
Kita
May 9, 2021 at 5:24 amAll holidays do hurt but her laugh is what you will always remember keep that memory with you at all times and thank you so much for sharing.