I can list my weaknesses faster than I can name my strengths. This year I want to work on 4 of them and be committed to making them my strength. In others words, I want to make my weaknesses my bish 🙂 I have let fear keep me from a lot of things so I want to share my weaknesses!
I don’t love me as much as I should. I have always been called ugly so I never saw myself as beautiful. To be honest I see myself as a fat ass. It’s one of the reasons I don’t show pictures of me much. Boys never saw me…they always saw the girls with the pretty hair, big ass, and all the makeup. They never wanted the plain gap teeth dark skin girl. The first time I was called beautiful by anyone was probably in 2016….yes it’s the first time someone actually called me beautiful. I have never heard the word before and I still don’t know how to take it. I am committed to learning how to love me more this year. I don’t even know where to start but I am going to try my best to look in the mirror and see something beyond what I have been called. I want to love the skin I am in all 200 something lbs of it. I think I put my self-love into what others think and not what I think. Of course, as a young girl, I have had my heart broken a time or two…hell it was broken as an adult but I have to make sure that I self-love on me. People can only love you to the extent of what they know as love. I have to love myself no matter what.
Fear sets in because I don’t love myself. I think if I can love me some of the fear will go away. What do I fear? I fear people knowing me. I know that sounds crazy but I like to be behind the scenes. I don’t like when folks come up to me and recognize me from my blog or my Instagram. (Which is why I rarely put pics up) I like to remain anonymous because I don’t like the praises. I don’t like when someone says hey are you Kita? I loved your last blog post. There are people following me now on Instagram who I don’t even know but keep up with every nook and cranny of my blog and newsletter. Perfect example, I am on the PTO board at my kid’s school and the parents will say hey all the time and I am like who are you and why do you know me lol. I don’t know why I fear praise. I also fear stepping from outside of my comfort zone. I like my comfort zone I feel no need to change it. All that yada yada yada about growth…I am growing….behind the scenes why do I have to grow in front of people.
I don’t forgive. I try but once you do me some type of way…I am done with you. I will speak when spoken to but I have no desire to bury the hatchet. I don’t know why this is so hard to do. People say it’s easy but I have a hard time forgiving folks. There are some things people have done to me that I still hold on to and they are dead and gone. Like seriously why can’t I forgive these people. I try to think good thoughts when confronted with forgiving someone like maybe it’s just the way they were. I say I forgive but deep down…I am still bitter. I still remember what you did and I just can’t let it go. They say forgiveness is for you more than it is for the other person….but it’s easier said than done. I think I could forgive easier if people told the truth to why they did what they did but when people lie and you know it’s a lie….there is no closure for me and I end up being mad as hell at them forever.
You would think after I have kids I would learn to be a bit more patience but I’m not. I need things done now…like right now. Not when you feel like it or when you get the time….I need it done asap. If I ask someone to do something and they take their time getting back to me…I move the eff on and find someone else. I am trying to find someone to tutor my son. I have called over 15 people in the past two weeks and none of them have returned my calls or bothered to get back with me. So I decided to get here and utilize google myself to teach my son his math. If I run into a problem and need help I will either pay someone on a website or find an example. I can’t wait on folks when it comes to my child’s education. I want things to happen now but I realize that things don’t work on Kita’s time…it works in God’s time. His Timing is EVERYTHING! I was going through some things a few years ago and I told some of my friends about it and they told me to wait and I’m like nope I ain’t waiting for shat I am about to do what I need to do but GOD…..I ended up waiting and lo and behold God worked it out in my favor. I am still impatient but I think this weakness will be the first to improve for 2018. I am realizing that they that wait….let me stop I’m about to preach lol
Now it’s your turn! Name a weakness below and tell me how you will overcome your weakness this year. Let’s help each other out. Give me some tips, books, podcasts, etc that I can utilize to help me out.